Who cares about self care? In this article, I walk the reader through an exercise I facilitated in one of my IFS coaching groups. Reframe how you view self care.

I don’t feel complete until I feel resolved, finished, reconnected, clear, satisfied, or free. I feel complete when my questions are answered, when I feel fully reassured, or when I am no longer upset. I can also feel complete when I recognize that the push for completion requires more energy and effort than I am willing to exert. I can feel complete once I’ve decided I’ve done as much as I am willing to do to feel resolved.

Through a process of honest examination, when a complaint and its hidden payoffs are exposed, we can see what we were previously blind to. What has been unconscious becomes conscious. But is this enough to end the suffering that produces the complaint?

What if letting go of hurt and resentment was a process similar to letting go of an old pair of shoes? Admittedly, it’s not so simple. But some of the same principles can be applied.

My “Not Your Typical Leadership Coaching” podcast host Martin Kettelhut and I meet each week to record our conversations about a variety of topics related to life coaching and leadership. When we first decided to do a podcast together, we made a long list of topics we could discuss. But what usually informs the focus for each episode are the conversations we are having that week with our coaching clients.

As a student, teacher, and coach, I study the influence of the unconscious. Using various models and methods including the Internal Family Systems model, I have learned how to use my conscious brain to explore the influence of parts of myself that usually operate undetected in my unconscious.

Coaching is more than just problem solving. By looking a little deeper than the presenting problem, deeper problems can be illumnated and resolved. Often boundaries are used to manage a challenge. But what if you could just resolve it once and for all?

Byron Katie helped me wake up. IFS helped me heal, grow, and expand.

It’s not just childhood abue and trauma that causes life-long wounds and survival strategies. The IFS model helps heal and update the wounds so we an show up as confident and content adults.

There is a belief that is at the core of many failing relationships. If this belief can be changed, the relationship could be transformed.

Nice Guys give to get, a codependent strategey for getting needs met. Nice Girls do it too but in their own ways. Gosha Jacewicz wrote this article of her version of the Nice Girl problem.

There are three reasons soemone hasn’t already achieved their desire result.

1. They lack the clarity to know what they want,

2. They don’t believe they deserve what they want, and

3. They have been unconsciously and automatically producing the results they have always gotten.

In this article I discuss how to address all these reasons using the IFS model.

We perceive the events and circumstances of our lives through a lens which is shaped by our beliefs. Beliefs that accurately reflect reality help us maintain ample capacity for processing what life serves up while remaining mentally and emotionally balanced. Beliefs that don’t align with reality reduce our capacity to process the events and circumstances of our lives. When our beliefs don’t align with current reality, we easily become overwhelmed. Our bucket easily and often spills over.

Internal conflict can create dysfuncition and lack of clarity. It can make it difficult to make good decisions. What if you had a quick and reliable way to resolve inner conflict?

What’s wrong with being a nice guy? Nothing in and of itself. But when being a nice guy (or girl) is a strategy to accomplish a hidden agenda, there’s a problem.

How satisfied are you in these four categories of life? Career, Relationships, Well-Being, and Fun and Joy.