Settling
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My Leadership Coaching Podcast cohost Martin Kettelhut and I meet each week to record our conversations about a variety of topics related to life coaching and leadership. When we first decided to do a podcast together, we made a long list of topics we could discuss. But what usually informs the focus for each episode are the conversations we are having that week with our coaching clients.
This week we talked about settling.
Dissatisfaction
People are drawn to coaching because they are dissatisfied in one or more areas of life and hope coaching can help them make the changes needed for progress. The coaching client feels they have settled for less than they want and often has been so focused on the problems related to their dissatisfaction that they don’t really know what they DO want.
Often, the problem begins to solve itself in the very first coaching session when I ask my new client to tell me more about their dissatisfaction.
Effective coaching involves great coaching questions and a coachable client. Are you coachable? If so, read on. I’ve got some great coaching questions for you.
To get the most from this coaching, plan to spend the next 15 minutes in a quiet and private environment free of any distractions.
Ask the parts of you that think this is stupid or a bad idea to relax and allow you to be coachable: open and willing to do something different.
Writing or typing your answers will help you more fully benefit from this experience. Use a timer to complete this in under 15 minutes.
What are you dissatisfied with?
Set your timer for 2 minutes.
Notice that you may have to decide which dissatisfaction to address. In that case, using not more than two or three words for each item, make a list of dissatisfactions.
Choose one dissatisfaction to start with
Set your timer for 1 minute.
If this process works well for you, repeat it as often as you wish. But you can only focus effectively on one concern at a time. Review your list. Which one gets your attention first?
Describe your dissatisfaction
Set your timer for 3 minutes.
I’m dissatisfied with ________________________. In three minutes or less, provide as much detail as you can think of including:
· what you’re dissatisfied with,
· how it feels to be dissatisfied,
· what you don’t want,
· problems related to your dissatisfaction, and
· thoughts and questions you have when you experience dissatisfaction.
What would satisfy you?
Set your timer for 3 minutes.
Use your answers to the last question to answer this one.
When stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction, the only thing that is clear is what you don’t want.
What I want instead is _________________________. In three minutes or less, provide as much detail as you can think of including:
· what you want
· how it will feel to have what you want
· the problems this will solve
· what will be possible when these problems are solved
What stops you from having what you want?
Set your timer for 3 minutes.
Describe as many of the thoughts and emotions you are experiencing now that you have acknowledged your dissatisfaction and explored what would satisfy you.
Now that you have acknowledged, at least to yourself, what are settling for and what you want instead, one of three things could happen.
1. Nothing will change. You will continue to settle for what you have, believing the thoughts that argue against anything changing
2. Something will change. Simply giving yourself 3 minutes to consider what you want, you may notice opportunities to move in that direction.
3. Everything will change. Recognizing the disempowering impact of settling for less than what you want, and the empowering impact of dreaming about what you do want, you will be inspired to find a way to have it.
You are the expert in your life. No one else is qualified to know you better than you do. Who in your life can you turn to for guidance and support as you make the changes necessary to have the life you want? What actions will you now take to have that life?
