Through a process of honest examination, when a complaint and its hidden payoffs are exposed, we can see what we were previously blind to. What has been unconscious becomes conscious. But is this enough to end the suffering that produces the complaint?

What if letting go of hurt and resentment was a process similar to letting go of an old pair of shoes? Admittedly, it’s not so simple. But some of the same principles can be applied.

My “Not Your Typical Leadership Coaching” podcast host Martin Kettelhut and I meet each week to record our conversations about a variety of topics related to life coaching and leadership. When we first decided to do a podcast together, we made a long list of topics we could discuss. But what usually informs the focus for each episode are the conversations we are having that week with our coaching clients.

Constellations are teams of parts that are organized around a shame-based belief formed at some time in the unresolved past. Until that belief is seen as untrue, the pain that the belief causes will continue. Protectors will continue to protect, and exiled parts will continue to be exiled. In this video, I use a whiteboard and Post-it notes to illustrate an example of a constellation of parts.

As a student, teacher, and coach, I study the influence of the unconscious. Using various models and methods including the Internal Family Systems model, I have learned how to use my conscious brain to explore the influence of parts of myself that usually operate undetected in my unconscious.