Stuck in Parts Work? 5 Essential Questions to Help You Move Forward

If you’ve learned enough about the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model to start practicing it on your own, this article is for you.

Maybe you’re a trained practitioner, maybe you’ve read a book or two, or maybe you’ve done some guided inner work and want to keep going on your own. Either way, you’ve probably had this experience: you sit down to connect with a part, close your eyes, drop in… and nothing happens. Or maybe something does happen—but it’s murky, frustrating, or confusing. The part won’t talk. You feel blocked. You start to wonder if you’re doing it wrong.

You’re not. But there’s a good chance one or more of your parts just don’t feel safe enough to open up.

That’s what this article is about: five simple, powerful guidelines that can help you create more safety inside when you’re exploring. These aren’t techniques or steps. They’re more like internal conditions. When they’re present, parts tend to open up. When they’re missing, parts tend to shut down, hide, or get reactive.

Let’s start with the most important one—and the foundation of the whole model.

1. There Are No Bad Parts

This is the heart of the IFS model, and it’s more than a nice idea—it’s a truth your system needs to feel for exploration to really work.

Dick Schwartz even titled a book after it: No Bad Parts. It’s a reminder that every part of you, no matter how extreme or painful its behavior might seem, has a reason for what it does. It’s not bad. It’s either in pain or trying to protect you from pain.

Here’s why this matters: If you’re trying to explore a part but deep down you think it’s bad, broken, shameful, or dangerous, that belief doesn’t just float in your head—it shows up in the field of the conversation. Parts can feel that energy. They’ll sense the judgment or fear, and that’s usually enough for them to shut down, clam up, or even hide completely.

Before you proceed, spend some time with any part(s) that believe other parts are bad. They might be scared, hurt, or just trying to keep order. Let them know you hear them. Let them know you’re not here to make them wrong either.

When the belief that there are no bad parts is present and real in you, your system starts to relax. And that opens the door for the next layer of connection.

2. Parts Need to Feel Welcome

Once you’re grounded in the belief that there are no bad parts, the next question is: Does this part feel welcome right now?

Parts are incredibly sensitive to how we’re relating to them. If they sense judgment, fear, irritation, or even just a hint of “I wish you’d go away,” they usually shut down or slip out of view. It’s not because they’re being difficult—it’s because they don’t feel safe.

In IFS sessions, this is why practitioners often ask, “How do you feel toward this part?”

It’s a simple but revealing question. If your answer is anything other than curious, open, or warm, it’s a sign that another part has blended with you—one that’s judging, scared of, or frustrated with the part you’re trying to explore.

That’s okay. The solution isn’t to push past it.

Just take a moment to notice that blended part and turn your attention to it instead. Let it know you see it. Ask it what it’s afraid might happen if you don’t stay wary or critical of the target part.

This gentle redirect builds trust across your whole system. And once the judging part feels heard and steps back, the part you’re originally trying to explore may begin to feel welcome enough to show up more fully.

3. Parts Don’t Have Bad Intentions

Sometimes our parts take over in ways that seem completely at odds with what we want. They might shut us down, lash out, or push us to avoid something that feels important. But even when their strategies are unhelpful—or downright disruptive—their intentions are almost always protective.

Parts don’t want to hurt us. They’re either holding pain (exiles) or trying to prevent pain (protectors). What they do may cause problems, but it’s how they’re trying to help based on what they’ve lived through and what they believe.

Here’s a personal example:

Two of my friends—one a man, one a woman—met through swing dancing. When my wife and I decided to get married, they offered to teach us to dance for our wedding.

There was a part of me that wanted to learn, mostly because I wanted to please my bride. But another part was terrified of being ridiculed. It was convinced that trying to dance would lead to humiliation. That scared part was trying to protect me.

But the part that wanted to learn to dance didn’t see it that way. It thought the scared part was just trying to ruin everything. Meanwhile, the scared part thought the “please my bride” part was going to embarrass me.

And depending on which part was in the driver’s seat, I found myself judging the other. Each part assumed the other had bad intentions. But once I stepped back and got curious, I realized—they were both trying to help me in different ways.

That’s the shift that makes exploration possible. You don’t have to agree with a part’s strategy. But when you can relate to it as a well-meaning presence—rather than a problem to fix—you create the kind of trust that opens the door to real change.

4. Parts Are Doing What Makes Sense to Them

Every part of you has a history. It’s formed beliefs, made conclusions, and developed strategies based on past experiences—usually from times when you were younger, less resourced, and more vulnerable.

So when a part does something—whether it’s procrastinating, panicking, people-pleasing, shutting down, lashing out—it’s not random. It’s doing what makes sense to it, based on what it knows.

This is why parts don’t change just because you want them to. You can’t logic them out of their behavior. You can’t pressure them to “get over it.” And even insight alone isn’t enough.

What helps parts shift is feeling safe enough to be curious, to look around, and to take in something new. That kind of openness only happens in a relationship that feels patient, respectful, and genuinely interested in what it’s like to be them.

So if a part is stuck, resistant, or repeating old patterns, try asking:
“What does this part believe it’s protecting me from?”
“What would it need in order to feel safe enough to try something new?”

When a part feels that you’re not trying to fix it, challenge it, or make it wrong—just understand it—it often becomes willing to let you in. And when trust deepens, that part may start to get curious about you too. That’s when real updates become possible.

5. Without These Foundations, Exploration Gets Stuck

If you’ve ever tried to connect with a part and felt like you were hitting a wall—confused, overwhelmed, unsure what to do next—you’re not alone. That kind of stuckness usually doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means the system isn’t ready yet.

And more often than not, one (or more) of the four previous conditions isn’t in place:

- You might not fully believe there are no bad parts.
- A part might not feel welcome.
- You might be seeing it as harmful instead of helpful.
- Or you might be trying to change it before you’ve really understood it.

Any of these can stop an exploration in its tracks.

The good news? You can always pause.
You can always zoom out and check: Is there another part in the way? One that’s scared, frustrated, or trying to protect me from getting too close?

If so, that’s your next step—not pushing forward, but turning toward that part with curiosity and care. That, too, is exploration.

This work is relational. It’s about trust, not technique. And when your parts feel that from you—consistently and sincerely—they begin to open up.

A Guided Check-In for Any Exploration

Use this check-in anytime—before you begin, right as you start, or mid-exploration if things feel murky or stuck.

Take a moment. Get quiet. Then ask yourself:

1. Am I judging any of my parts as bad right now?

2. Am I feeling genuinely welcoming toward the part I’m exploring?

3. Do I believe this part is trying to help me or protect me from something?

4. Am I open to understanding why this part does what it does—without needing it to change right now?

If you notice you can’t say “yes” to one or more of these questions, pause.

Spend some time with the part of you that can’t say yes. That part might be scared, protective, unsure, or just tired of trying. Whatever it is, it deserves curiosity and care.

This isn’t about checking boxes—it’s about creating the conditions that make trust possible. And trust is what makes exploration work.

Closing Thoughts

There’s no rush. No perfect way to do this work. Just you, showing up with a little more patience, curiosity, and care than last time.

Every part of you is waiting to be seen—not to be fixed or changed, but to be understood.

Start there. Come back to these questions anytime. And trust that even when it feels slow or stuck, something inside is paying attention.

Having trouble connecting with your parts during IFS or inner work? These five foundational questions can help you create the internal safety your system needs for healing and clarity.