Personal Development Coach
Certified IFS Practitioner
Discover your Power
- Discover the power to achieve what you haven’t yet achieved
- Discover the power to change what isn’t working
- Discover the power to eliminate disempowering habits
- Discover the power to overcome fears that stop you
- Discover the power to break out of dysfunctional patterns
and learn how to tap into it to start living the life you want.
The IFS Advantage
Before I discovered the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, I was a successful Personal Development and Life Coach. I learned about IFS after completing a one-year training program that practically ended my coaching career.
All around me, the other coaches seemed to be having a great experience. But I was losing my confidence. I’m not a quitter so I hung in there, hoping to get a breakthrough. I graduated in a complete breakdown and landed in therapy hoping to get my confidence back.
The therapist used the IFS model to help me, and after just four sessions I had my confidence back. I found that a few visits with my therapist was enough to break up any log jams that were stopping me from moving forward in my life and my business.
At the suggestion of my therapist (thank you Brenda Aufderhar), I signed up for Level 1 training and two years later became a Certified IFS Practitioner.
Now, I use IFS to help my coaching clients resolve what has them stuck so they can move forward in their lives.
I grew up with my share of trauma. Both my parents used way too much alcohol and took their frustrations out on each other and their children. As the second oldest of seven, I moved out of the family home when I was 19 and started building a life for myself.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that I hadn’t escaped the problems of my family. Although the circumstances of my life had changed, familiar fears and frustrations dominated my thoughts and emotions. No matter how committed I was to NOT repeat my parents’ mistakes, I lacked the power and ability to overcome the automaticity of my unconscious. Consequently, I created a reality that mirrored the one I was already familiar with.
At 27 years old, I was afraid that my wife was going to leave me so I stopped drinking and drugging and got involved in 12-step programs. I hoped that alcohol was the problem and expected my life and marriage to get better when I stopped using it. But the depression, self-loathing, and anxiety only got worse. It didn’t seem to matter how much I tried to change, life was harder sober than it had been when I was drinking.
I had been sober 7 years when my wife died of a brain tumor. I was still sober, but this was too much. I had no confidence that I could raise my two kids without her. After a series of brief relationships with women who were as desperate as I was, I remarried. To others, the marriage looked good, but in fact, we were both miserable. We divorced after 9 years, and I made a commitment to stay single until I had done enough work to be capable of a healthy relationship.
I stayed true to that commitment for 14 years. I used the time alone to discover books, therapies, trainings, and support that helped me to heal and grow. My current wife, Kathy and I were married in 2013. I learn more every day about how to have a loving and healthy relationship.
I still abstain from alcohol and other non-prescribed drugs and personal development remains at the very top of my list of priorities. Abstinence didn’t make life any easier. But it put me in the waiting room to emotional healing long enough for me to get better. I don’t know if I can safely drink again or not but it is my intention to remain abstinent. Why would I risk losing the happiness and joy I have found?
Some of my clients have also suffered in similar ways. Regardless of relationship, job, or addiction histories, I’ve discovered that what stops human beings from realizing their potential is confusion about who they are.
Many of us have formed a shame-based identity that blurs our view of reality. By discovering and reclaiming our true identity, reality reveals itself clearly and the shame-based identity falls away. That is what has happened for me thanks to the personal development work I’ve done.
That is what qualifies me as a Personal Development Coach.
No Pressure Guide for Selecting a Personal Development Coach
I believe that the decision to hire a life coach should not be made under pressure or duress. The circumstances of your life have pushed you to consider asking for help. The process doesn’t need add any more pressure and trigger thoughts and feelings of mistrust.
I offer the following suggestions for a safe and pressure-free process as you consider your decision.
Take your time as you read through my website. I suggest that after reading this home page, you proceed next to:
- My Values. This page describes the values and beliefs that inform my coaching approach.
- My Approach. A description of what you can expect as one of my clients.
- Common Questions. Answers to common questions I hear from those who are thinking about getting a life coach.
- Schedule a free, no pressure, no obligation 30-minute discovery session. During that session, we will each have the opportunity to begin to explore the fit. If we both agree that we would like to continue to explore the possibility of working together, I will offer you a complimentary 60-minute coaching session. This experience will give us both an opportunity to decide if a coaching relationship is a good idea.
- Be sure to peruse over 60 Personal Development Articles that I have written over the years to get a better feel for my philosophy and approach.