You Can Have The Life You Want
It’s not a fluke that I work with people like you. I created the list above from my life experience. I was raised in an oppressive religious family with violent alcoholic parents. I became frightened of people and constantly feared criticism. I learned to perform to survive in school and at work. I lived an automatic life completely unaware of my own power and responsibility.
My own journey has provided a deep level of recovery from my addictions and trauma. Now I work with clients who have had similar life challenges so they can move beyond enduring, tolerating and surviving to lives of clarity, purpose and joy.
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I tried to create a sense of value and worth by working hard. I tried to feel a part of the crowd by doing what the crowd did. I felt like a fraud.
I used cannabis, nicotine, work and alcohol to cope with an unfulfilled life. I was insecure and didn’t trust my wife to be faithful despite a total absence of evidence. I almost drove her away with my strategies for preventing her from abandoning me.
When I thought she was about to take the kids and leave me, I stopped the cannabis and alcohol and began attending 12 step meetings. Almost immediately, the 12 step social scene became my addiction with up to 3 meetings a day and meetings after the meetings. She liked me better when I was drinking.
I stayed sober. I didn’t drink. And I was lost, confused, frightened, angry and upset most of the time. I became even more insecure. My wife died of a brain tumor when I was 7 years sober and left me with our two children, 8 and 9 years old.
Life was happening to me. I remained abstinent during her illness and after her death but found another addiction to help put a cushion between me and my pain. I found crazy, addictive, codependent relationships with half a dozen women – mostly in 12 step meetings over the next 2 years. My two children had just lost their mom and were now watching me usher these strange women in and out of their lives.
I wanted abstinence and the steps to make it all better. I worked the program to the best of my willingness and ability but continued to struggle and suffer. Two years after my first wife died I married my second wife to interrupt the insane dramatic cycle of new relationships.
We had a daughter and built a house together. Like the other women I had gotten involved with, my second wife was in and out of recovery for addiction. We tried our best but only managed to make each other miserable for 8 ½ years before I ended the marriage.
Afraid that I may just resume my addiction to relationships, I committed to working on myself and stayed single for 13 years. During that time, I discovered The Work of Byron Katie, Landmark Education, Life Coaching and Internal Family Systems Therapy.
In 2013 I remarried for the last time. Thanks to the deep and lasting healing work that I had done to that point, I found someone who is as kind and sane as I had become. We have been together since 2011 and enjoy a happy, healthy and authentic life together.
I began my coaching career in 2011 after hiring my first life coach, Carlos Jones. Carlos told me how he had been trained to be a life coach and I followed his path by completing a one year life coach training program in 2016.
In 2019, with the support and urging of my therapist, I was accepted into a one year training to become an Internal Family Systems Practitioner. I completed Level 1 IFS training in June of 2020 and completed Level 2 the same year. I am now in the process of becoming a Certified IFS Practitioner and can be found on the IFS website, www.IFS-Institute.com