Have you ever noticed a part of you that jumps in with worry, self-doubt, or over-preparation? That’s what I call a concerned part—and surprisingly, it’s trying to help you.

In my latest blog post, I explain:

• Why we all have concerned parts

• What they’re really trying to do

• A simple 4-step process to shift your relationship with them

You don’t need to shut these parts down. You just need to listen differently.

If you’re a therapist, coach, or IFS practitioner, this group may be for you. Imagine being in a coaching group with up to seven of your peers and being supported by a Certified IFS Practitioner. In this powerful group, expand your Self-energy for a more Self-led personal and business life.

The Self in IFS can be a difficult concept to grasp. Maybe that’s because we’ve been getting it all wrong. What if there is no separate Self? Rather, Self is within each part, just waiting to be manifested as Self-energy.

Time goes by. You find a picture of yourself from 20 years ago and realize you are no longer the person you were in the picture. What happened? How did you change? Did you do so on purpose? Or did you simply adapt to the conditions of your life? This article explores conscious and unconscious personal development.

I always use the IFS model to help my coaching clients because it is the most effective tool in my coaching toolbox. This article describes why I became a coach, how I coached others at first, how I was introduced to the Internal Family Systems model, how I became trained and certified in the model, and why I use it with all my coaching clients.

I want to share a personal story that taught me an important lesson about healthy communication in relationships. I found myself in a situation where I needed to navigate a conversation with my wife about something I wanted to do. Initially, I felt conflicted, unsure how to bring it up without seeming selfish or inconsiderate. But as we talked, I was a reminded of how important balanced, thoughtful communication is in building a strong and supportive relationship.

Is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results insane? What if the IFS model can help us understand repeating patterns? What if, rather than trying to change by brute force, a more compassionate and curious approach were taken?

Completion is less of an event and more of a process. Acknowledge and complete what has been to make room for what can be.

Are you thinking your thoughts or are they thinking you? By bringing conscious awareness to your thoughts and applying the Internal Family Systems model to what you notice, you can trust your unconscious thoughts to serve you.

What is codependency? Is codependency an addiction? How do you recover from codependency?

In this article, I hold two of my marrriages up as examples of codependency and one marriage as an example of recovery.

This article and the video associated with it address how, when using the IFS model, to work with target parts and concerned parts. Practitioners and laypersons can learn to improve their practice.

Who cares about self care? In this article, I walk the reader through an exercise I facilitated in one of my IFS coaching groups. Reframe how you view self care.

Congratulations! You recognize that it’s time to ask for help. But what kind of help do you need and where do you find it?

This video explores my journey from being unconsciously driven to making conscious choices, and my quest for an authentic self-recovery through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Learn how embracing choice can transform your life and lead you to thrive.

Thanks to the support I received over the years from countless 12-step members from my first AA sponsor Randy E. to my last one, Bryan L., I recognized my need to stop drinking, start getting honest with myself, begin to think of others, clean up my past, and develop a relationship with a Higher Power. I will be forever grateful for the love and support of the AA fellowship which made it possible for me to remain sober since November 15, 1982.

I don’t feel complete until I feel resolved, finished, reconnected, clear, satisfied, or free. I feel complete when my questions are answered, when I feel fully reassured, or when I am no longer upset. I can also feel complete when I recognize that the push for completion requires more energy and effort than I am willing to exert. I can feel complete once I’ve decided I’ve done as much as I am willing to do to feel resolved.

For those of us who have experienced 12-step recovery in AA, the word recovery refers to recovery from alcoholism. For me, the word refers to the recovery of the authentic Self. I believe that what there is to recover from are challenging and sometimes traumatic experiences we aren’t yet finished with.

Adaptive strategies helped us survive earlier challenges but are now maladaptive when what we want is true connection in our relationships. What maladaptive strategies create disconnection instead?

I work with a lot of people in recovery. When they first become clients, they see themselves as recovering from bad habits and addictions. Identifying as "in recovery," they have been trained to focus on abstinence or moderation in their addictive processes. But this is putting the cart before the horse. What we are recovering from is chronic disconnection, often caused by trauma. And what we are recovering is the true, authentic, Self.

Through a process of honest examination, when a complaint and its hidden payoffs are exposed, we can see what we were previously blind to. What has been unconscious becomes conscious. But is this enough to end the suffering that produces the complaint?