Intentions, Actions, and Choice
There has been much written about the economy of decision-making. I did some quick internet searches and asked:
How many decisions do we make in a day?
What is decision fatigue?
How many of our decisions are made unconsciously?
The answers I found were fascinating. While I haven’t verified the research, the answers varied.
We make as many as 35,000 decisions a day.
Apparently, we burn up mental energy when we make decisions and have a limited capacity for the number of decisions we can make before we need to recharge our batteries.
It is estimated that 95% of our decisions are made unconsciously.
Conscious vs. Unconscious
As a student, teacher, and coach, I study the influence of the unconscious. Using various models and methods including the Internal Family Systems model, I have learned how to use my conscious brain to explore the influence of parts of myself that usually operate undetected in my unconscious.
These explorations reveal that below the surface of many decisions exists an inner dynamic that can be wrought with disagreement and conflict. Sometimes a decision boils down to the dominance of the most influential part of myself.
No wonder having to make too many choices is exhausting. And given the limited scope and capacity of the conscious brain, it makes sense that most decisions are left to the unconscious.
Yes and No
But if you struggle with saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’ as so many of my clients do, you may find it helpful to update your unconscious with information that will help you make better decisions.
When faced with a yes or no choice, each ‘yes’ says ‘no’ to one or more other options. That seems apparent. If I say yes to pulling into the fast-food drive-through, I’m saying no to a healthier food choice. That same yes also says no to what I might otherwise spend my money on, and no to arriving earlier to my destination.
Intention vs. Automatic
So, how do I make better decisions? Part of decision fatigue has to do with the use of will-power which yields to the same inner conflict that makes decision-making such heavy lifting. We all have a limited supply of will-power. If we don’t use it wisely, we may not have enough of it when we need it most.
For example, some of my clients wrestle with whether to drink alcohol or not. Despite the ongoing and predictable problems drinking causes for them, they like the effects of alcohol and attempt to control when and how much they drink. But if they haven’t connected their conscious intentions to their unconscious brains, there is often a disagreement between the two. The conscious brain might win one or two battles with an opposing unconscious brain, but it won’t win the war. Eventually, decisions and strategies formulated long ago determine what we do and don’t do when will power fails.
Here are some ways to use your intentions (your conscious brain) to update what happens automatically 95% of the time (your unconscious brain) so the two can work together.
Money
Each time you spend money, you are saying yes to what you are spending money on and no to what that money could have been spent on. If your conscious and unconscious disagree, you may regret some of your spending choices.
To get clear about what you are saying yes and no to, make a budget and keep track of what you are actually spending your money on. Continue to adjust your budget using real numbers that accurately reflect how much you have and how much you spend.
Keeping track of what you spent your money on each month, are you happy with your choices? Writing a budget and tracking the results is an active way to use your conscious brain to update and align with your unconscious.
If you still struggle with money, you may need to do some deeper work and explore the parts that influence you to operate outside your conscious intentions.
Effort and Energy
How much energy we have is influenced by a variety of factors. The most obvious of those factors is diet and sleep. Fueling and resting aside, how we spend our energy either drains or recharges us. When we put effort into what we love and enjoy, time flies and we are energized by the effort. When we put effort into what we dislike and don’t enjoy, time drags by and we drain our energy reserves.
What are you saying yes to in the effort and energy category? Does what you say yes to recharge you or drain you?
If you are spending your energy on activities that don’t interest or inspire you, can you begin to say no to some of these activities? What would you rather be spending your energy on? You may discover that you ‘should’ and ‘shame’ yourself into doing what you really don’t want to do.
Our bodies respond to the focus of our attention. This response takes the form of emotions and energy. Whatever you focus your attention on will empower or disempower you. The better you feel, the more empowered you are and the easier it is to make choices that serve you. The worse you feel, the less empowered you are and the harder it is to make good choices.
Focusing on what should be is disempowering. Are you giving your attention to what should be or to what is?
Deeper exploration can help update and align with your unconscious and make it easier to spend your effort on activities that yield returns on your attention and energy investments.
Time
Time, like money, can be budgeted. To get clear about what you are saying yes and no to, make a time budget and keep track of what you are spending your time on. Are you saying yes to what is in or out of your time budget?
Summary
It is your life. What you give your money, effort. energy, attention, and time to is determined by your what you say yes and no to. If you like what you’re getting in life, consider that your yeses and noes are balanced.
If you don’t like what you’re getting in life, what do you need to start saying yes to that you are currently saying no to? What you say yes and no to can create a life to survive, endure, and hate, or can create a life to enjoy, appreciate, and love.
