Adaptive strategies helped us survive earlier challenges but are now maladaptive when what we want is true connection in our relationships. What maladaptive strategies create disconnection instead?

Shortly after my wife and I moved in together, we hadn’t learned yet how to navigate our small kitchen without getting in each other's way. For example, I would grab something from the refrigerator and turn toward the counter but have to stop my momentum to avoid running into her.

Or the reverse would happen and I would get in her way. I felt an inner irritation when this happened and blamed it on the size of the kitchen, referring to it as our ‘one-butt kitchen.’

What if letting go of hurt and resentment was a process similar to letting go of an old pair of shoes? Admittedly, it’s not so simple. But some of the same principles can be applied.

My “Not Your Typical Leadership Coaching” podcast host Martin Kettelhut and I meet each week to record our conversations about a variety of topics related to life coaching and leadership. When we first decided to do a podcast together, we made a long list of topics we could discuss. But what usually informs the focus for each episode are the conversations we are having that week with our coaching clients.

As a student, teacher, and coach, I study the influence of the unconscious. Using various models and methods including the Internal Family Systems model, I have learned how to use my conscious brain to explore the influence of parts of myself that usually operate undetected in my unconscious.