This meditation guides you through an unblending process, helping you notice and observe the influences of different parts within you, such as your breath, energy, thoughts, emotions, impulses, and actions. By doing so, you can build trust between your authentic Self and your parts, allowing for a more balanced response to challenging situations.

When I am getting to know a part or working with a client who is getting to know a part of themselves, I usually start with what is already known about the part. What happens when under the influence of (blended with) this part? In this video I talk about how helpful this is, especially when asking about the impact of the blending.

It’s not just childhood abue and trauma that causes life-long wounds and survival strategies. The IFS model helps heal and update the wounds so we an show up as confident and content adults.

There is a belief that is at the core of many failing relationships. If this belief can be changed, the relationship could be transformed.

Nice Guys give to get, a codependent strategey for getting needs met. Nice Girls do it too but in their own ways. Gosha Jacewicz wrote this article of her version of the Nice Girl problem.

Michael Singer surrenders by relaxing and releasing. This article describes how to use the IFS model to surrender.

How is confidence derived? What does it take to have it when you need it? Once you have it, how do you keep it? As a younger man, I often noticed others who exuded confidence. I wanted what they had but had no idea how to get it. They seemed to be sure of themselves and expressed their confidence in the way they dressed, the tone and tempo of their voices, the language they used and their mastery of the storytelling.

Recognizing and acknowledging codependent tendencies is the first step in finding our way back to authentic connection and healthy interdependence.

With change comes upheaval and disruption which makes the solution feel more painful than the problems sometimes. So why bother? But if we keep searching, we can often find something more on the other side of the discomfort of change.

If you have a growth mindset, challenges provide new opportunities to change and grow. Challenges can inspire innovation and courageous risk-taking.  Challenging circumstances can even force us out of our comfort zones into new and invigorating environments that help us to learn and grow.  For some who live with a growth mindset, life without challenges is boring, predictable, and mundane.

The nice guy problem can’t be solved until the secret is told. When being nice is real, the problem is solved.

I didn’t know that acting nice and actually being nice were two different states of being. I hated to admit it but when I was acting nice, I was ACTING. What my wife wanted was the real me. But deep down inside I was convinced that the real me wasn’t enough. How could she love someone like me? I didn’t even like me.

The Nice Guy Syndrome starts in childhood as we observe the relationships of adults around us. It’s a maladaptive set of charactaristics and traits employed often by men who are trying not to be like their abusive fathers.

There is much more to recovery than just abstinence. Clean and sober is a great start. That puts you in the waiting room for recovery. You’ve managed to abstain. Some things have gotten better, sure. But some things haven’t changed at all - or they’ve gotten worse! Wasn’t abstinence supposed to solve all these problems? The good news is that while abstinence is a great start, recovery involves healing. I have been clean and sober for over 40 years. But I didn’t start to recover until I started to heal.

A belief system is a system of thoughts that we have decided are true. For the most part, our beliefs are hidden from us. When we are introduced to a concept or idea, we compare that concept or idea to embedded and accepted thoughts (beliefs) in our subconscious. If they match, we feel comfortable.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a groundbreaking therapeutic approach that has transformed countless lives. Rooted in the belief that our psyche is composed of multiple subpersonalities, IFS offers a unique lens to view and understand our inner world.

I’ve been married 3 times. In my first two marriages I experienced a lot of pain, misunderstanding, resentment, and arguments. The relationships didn’t work. I also struggled to connect with my kids through the years. I wasn’t a great father to them.

Why bring up the past? The past is in the past, right? Well, yes. But only if you are watching the clock and the calendar.

When we love the way we learned to love from people who had unhealed childhood trauma, our love is conditional. It is a trauma response. What we think of as love is actually a set of conditions that influence our thoughts, emotions, body sensations, impulses, choices, reactions, and behaviors in love relationships.

Let’s face it. Maintaining healthy relationships can be difficult. Despite internal arguments that we would be better off alone, we need each other. We need connection. It’s an evolutionary thing. The species wouldn’t survive without collaboration.