My Message to 12-steppers
My recovery story includes over 35 years of participation in 12 step programs. I no longer attend meetings nor do I consider myself a member of any 12 step program. My experiences and opinions about 12 step recovery are exclusively mine and do not represent the views of AA or any other 12 step program.
Thanks to the support I received over the years from countless 12-step members from my first AA sponsor Randy E. to my last one, Brian L., I recognized my need to stop drinking, start getting honest with myself, begin to think of others, clean up my past, and develop a relationship with a Higher Power. I will be forever grateful for the love and support of the AA fellowship which made it possible for me to remain sober since November 15, 1982.
Did AA and other 12-step programs work for me? Absolutely.
Did AA save my life? Very likely.
After working through the steps according to the instructions in the AA Big Book with my sponsor, Brian L. after I had been sober 35 years, I recognized some things that I had been previously unclear about.
According to the descriptions and definitions of alcoholism and who is an alcoholic, once and for all I answered an important question that had plagued me during my first 35 years of sobriety. Was I an alcoholic? According to AA, yes, I was an alcoholic. When I was drinking, I had a craving for alcohol that was stronger than my will power, I had constant thoughts about alcohol, I couldn’t predict how much I would drink once I started, and all these conditions worsened over time.
Since I hadn’t actually worked the steps according to the AA Big Book until I had been sober for 34 years, and since helping others to work the AA program meant helping them work the steps according to the AA Big Book, I concluded (and Brian, my sponsor agreed) that there was no reason for me to continue to participate in AA meetings or the AA program.
Brian and I both could plainly see that the AA steps had not gotten me sober. I got sober with the help of the meetings and the fellowship which reminded me that if I drank I might die. I was too scared to drink and knew how ashamed I would feel if I drank again. So I didn’t drink any more even though I wanted to for a while.
The role of an AA old-timer, Brian reminded me, is to share their experience, strength, and hope to help the still struggling alcoholic find sobriety.
As an AA old-timer who hadn’t worked the steps properly, my experience, strength, and hope had not come from the actual AA program. It had come from meetings. My best efforts to work the steps (although not as the Big Book instructs until I’d been sober for 34 years), my will power, help from therapists, books I read, The Work of Byron Katie, various coaches, and Internal Family Systems got me sober and kept me sober.
Those who come to AA to learn how to use the AA program to get sober need to talk to someone who can speak from experience about how to work the program. I didn’t have that experience despite my years of sobriety.
I love to help people find sobriety and keep it. I love helping people in recovery find what is missing. I recognize that AA has played a HUGE role in my success and growth, but I now understand that my message is not one that someone new to AA should hear from me as an AA member — simply because the AA program doesn’t explain my recovery. And because of the impressive length of my continous sobriety, a message from me would carry too much weight.
A newcomer should be able to attend a meeting in Kalispell Montana, Los Angelas California, Tampa Florida, or Paris France and get the same message if AA is going to work. It can’t be Bill T’s version of AA in Spokane Washington, John L’s version of AA in Topeka Kansas, and Laura B’s version of AA in New York City. They all need to be the same message. And that message needs to be based on the program that is described in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I like my version of recovery. But my version of recovery is not the AA program.
So I no longer attend AA meetings nor do I go to meetings. My story would only confuse the newcomer or struggling member who is trying to get a more solid footing in the AA program.
Does AA work for everyone? No, sadly it does not. But for anyone who recognizes they have a problem with alcohol, I highly recommend three things regarding AA.
Give it a try.
Trust yourself.
Take AA’s advice: seek other help as well.
