Using IFS to help my clients get results

If you are already familiar with the IFS model (Internal Family Systems), then you understand what I mean when I refer to “parts.” If not, watch this video from IFS creator, Dr. Richard Schwartz who tells us that parts are subpersonalities. He continues that it is the nature of the mind to be sub-divided and that we are all multiple personalities.

He is not saying that we are all mentally ill. Having subpersonalities is as normal and sane as can be. Recognizing our parts and learning to provide them with clarity and leadership helps us understand ourselves better and live a more intentional life.

Parts influence our thoughts, emotions, body sensations, impulses, behaviors, beliefs, and more.

Our parts do what makes the most sense to them. They want to help, and until they believe there is a better way to do things, they will continue to influence us as they do.

That includes the parts that influence you to get mad at traffic, feel frustration with the weather, drink a little too much, say that nasty thing to your spouse, feel anxious or depressed, or be super productive, organized, and efficient.

We all have parts. Some of them are extremely helpful, but some of them have gotten stuck and continue to react to present circumstances as if conditions are the same as they were in the past.

Think of the last time you reacted as if you were a child, throwing a tantrum or sulking away, feeling like nobody cares or understands.

But how do we get our parts to change? For most of us, making changes means pitting one part against another, creating internal conflict.

• You want to hit the snooze button but a disciplined part gets you out of bed to exercise for 30 minutes before going to work so you can lose weight.

• You feel hurt and angry by a careless comment but a nice part pastes a smile on your face whenever you feel irritated because you don’t want to offend anyone.

• You feel overwhelmed but a part promises a drink as soon as you get off work so you can keep your cool.

• A part overperforms at work to hide your feelings of inadequacy.

If you want to know what does IFS do, feel free to contact me at https://www.billtierneycoaching.com/about-bill

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Dari wanted to get a promotion and raise at work but had been reluctant to put in the extra hours she knew it would take. She wanted to live in a better neighborhood and needed more money to make the move. So, she started staying late and coming in early for work. Her supervisor noticed, and the next time a position opened, Dari was given the promotion and raise she needed. But after just a few months, she was stressed out, losing sleep, and unable to perform at work. Embarrassed and overwhelmed, Dari quit her job.

A part of Dari had a plan to get more money to live in a better neighborhood. But another part pushed back, reluctant to do what it would take to get the promotion. The part with the plan won out temporarily. But when conditions changed and the unintended consequences of the plan began costing Dari her effectiveness at work, she became overwhelmed. A part shamed her. A part felt embarrassed and self-conscious. And another part influenced her to quit her job to escape feeling so vulnerable and exposed.

All these parts were doing what made sense for them to do to help. But they were operating on outdated information dating back to a time in her life when she had no choices. Parts were in conflict with each other. Without Self-leadership - without guidance from her current, authentic Self - Dari’s young parts competed for control, creating inner turmoil and dissatisfaction.

I have been using the IFS model in coaching since 2018. I became a Certified IFS Practitioner in 2021. After using the model to help clients explore their inner worlds for a while, I realized I had lost my primary focus – to help my coaching clients make changes, solve problems and get results in their lives and businesses.

I knew I had found a powerful tool in IFS but didn’t know how to use it for results until I realized that our parts keep us locked into cycles that prevent us from getting the results we want. As a life coach, I was aware of dysfunctional cycles but had never applied the IFS model to help my clients break out of them.

So, I developed a process and integrated three important elements that are helping me and my clients get consistent, predictable, and sustainable results. Those three elements are:

·         Identifying an Aspirational Result

·         Recognizing the cycle that prevents this result

·         Developing trust with the parts that keep us locked in that cycle

What is one change or improvement you would make in your life if you could?