IFS Coaching: What is IFS and How Is It Used In Life Coaching?
I was first introduced to Internal Family Systems (IFS) by my therapist in 2016. I was having a crisis of confidence after completing a one-year coach training program and thought a few therapy sessions might help.
I met my therapist Brenda in an office we both used for our groups. I had already been coaching for about four years when I met her. Between sessions with our clients, we talked occasionally. She often spoke of the “parts work” she was doing with her clients.
I didn’t know what parts work was, but trusted her and referred some clients to her who had gotten stuck in coaching. Later, some of these former clients reported how impactful working with Brenda had been for them.
The impact of IFS therapy
When it was time to find a therapist for myself, I reached out to Brenda. After a few internal family systems therapy sessions my crisis of confidence was resolved. These sessions introduced me to IFS; what she had been referring to as parts work.
Having solved my problem, I stopped therapy. But a few months later, I was faced once again with inner conflict resulting in anxiety. I called Brenda again and set up regular weekly sessions.
Over time, I got to the bottom of my anxiety. Applying the IFS model in a therapy setting helped me heal and resolve the causes of inner turmoil I had experienced for most of my life.
IFS Institute trains non-therapists
During one of our sessions, Brenda told me that the IFS Institute provided training to non-therapists like me. I had experienced the power of IFS for myself and wanted to learn more about the model so I could use it with my coaching clients.
In the summer of 2020, I completed my Level 1 training and went on to become a Certified IFS Practitioner. I now use IFS with all my coaching clients in one form or another with great success.
So, what is IFS and what makes it so effective with my coaching clients?
The training I received taught me how to use the IFS model just as a therapist would. In my level 1 training, I was one of several non-therapists in a group of 33 students who went through the one-year training together.
IFS is a therapy model that helps the client explore what Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of the IFS model calls their Internal Family System. In the model, the therapist helps the client recognize the distinct subpersonalities; what many modalities including IFS refer to as parts, that make up their internal family. Everyone has parts. Our parts can impact our mental health, our ability to function in the world, our capacity for emotional intelligence, and the quality of our relationships with others.
By getting to know, understand, and appreciate their intentions (many of our parts are trying to protect us in some way), we develop what IFS calls Self-leadership. Self with a capital S refers to our essence – who we really are. Self has access to resources and qualities that some of our misaligned parts don’t. Many of our parts hold ideas about who we need to be and who we are afraid we might be. Sometimes we think, feel, and behave unconsciously under the influence of parts. Developing a relationship between Self and parts builds Self-leadership which results in a better life.
As I began incorporating IFS into my coaching practice, I let go of some of the traditional coaching methods I learned during coach training. I stopped focusing on coaching objectives and results and instead focused entirely on helping my clients heal and resolve their past. However, I soon realized that without clarity about WHY we were working together, IFS was reduced to a process of curious and fascinating internal exploration. IFS as a model is a tool that can be used to great effect if done so with intention and a plan.
What makes life coaching work?
A successful life coaching experience happens when the IFS coach helps the client:
identify an overall coaching objective (what is the desired outcome of the coaching relationship?),
explore the known and unknown benefits of successfully achieving the coaching objective,
develop a clear vision of the life a successful coaching objective would yield,
acknowledge the contrast or gap between current and desired reality,
measure what is at stake if the coaching objective is not achieved,
increase awareness of the client’s capacity to effect change in their lives,
believe that the changes they desire are possible,
take responsibility for their experiences and results,
recognize and access inner resources needed for a successful outcome, and
agree to a fluid plan to achieve the objective.
How does Internal Family Systems help make life coaching work?
Life coaching works best when a variety of tools and methods are used to meet the client where they are. IFS is just one tool. Let’s briefly explore how IFS helps with each of the elements of a successful coaching relationship.
Identify an overall coaching objective
When identifying the coaching objective, the client may be influenced by parts that want coaching to fix what is broken, hide perceived deficiencies, or solve chronic problems. By bringing curiosity to the process and using the IFS model, what has been hidden from conscious awareness is often revealed. This deeper awareness provides the context needed to identify objectives that can be achieved and sustained.
Explore the benefits of change
When a client hires a life coach, they are often focused on a problem or challenge they want to solve or overcome. Broadening this conversation to explore and discover what would be possible on the other side of the problem or challenge can be inspiring and motivating for the client. A coach who is trained in the IFS model sees problems and challenges as trailheads worth exploring. When parts view present circumstances through a lens distorted by an unresolved past, they can take over and make life problematic and challenging. These young parts become overwhelmed by our adult lives and need our help. Too often, life coaches use strategies and methods to overcome the influence of these parts. Changes that result from this approach are rarely sustainable. If parts which operate from the past are not helped to join us in the present moment, they will continue to influence us in disempowering ways.
Develop a clear vision
As the coaching client begins to envision the life they will live when the coaching objective is achieved, they can experience a range of internal reactions. The client may feel energized, inspired, and motivated while at the same time, skeptical and nervous. One indication of Self-leadership is a sustainable sense of empowerment. When parts that are handicapped by a limited or distorted perspective consider a changed future, they may become fearful that such a big life will be too dangerous. Until these parts realize that responsibility for generating and managing a better future rests with the Self and an entire internal family of parts, they will feel overwhelmed by the client’s vision and will do all they can to keep life small and safe.
Acknowledge the gap
There is a gap between where the coaching client is when they hire a life coach and where they want to be when life coaching works. Clarifying that gap increases awareness and facilitates acceptance of the challenge that the coaching objective presents. When those parts of us that see the present as a mirror of the past bring their influence, perception of the gap may be distorted. Closing the gap may occur as impossible. Or it may seem easily achievable. An accurate measure of the coaching journey is made possible when the client can view the gap from the clear and accurate perspective of Self.
What is at stake?
I mentioned that recognizing what might be possible can be inspiring and motivating. But recognizing the cost of the unresolved problem is just as important if the client is going to take the actions needed for lasting change. Some parts employ denial as a survival strategy believing that if they can prevent us from seeing how bad things are, we won’t suffer so much. If denial is a strategy employed by one of the client’s parts, we may need to spend some time with the denial part until it knows change is safe and that suffering can be managed or eliminated. Exploring the unintended consequences of pretending the problem doesn’t exist helps the denial part recognize the gravity of the needed change.
Recognize the capacity for change
From the perspective of a young part who feels overwhelmed by the demands of an adult life, the prospect of change can feel overwhelming. When the client can help their young parts recognize that they are resourced adults who are capable of managing a full and robust adult life, the young parts can relax and accept Self-leadership. When the fears and beliefs of young parts aren’t blended, the client recognizes their capacity for change.
Belief in the possibility of change
When a client is dominated by parts that are stuck in the past, change doesn’t seem possible. For these parts, circumstances and conditions are as they have always been, and there is no reason to believe things can be any different. The client can imagine a better future but as long as these past-focused parts are providing the perspective, the client won’t believe change is possible. Fortunately, IFS provides a way to introduce past-based parts to the realities of the present moment. When that happens, change happens.
Summary:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that helps individuals explore their internal family system, consisting of distinct subpersonalities or "parts," as described by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of the IFS model. These parts can impact one's mental health, emotional intelligence, relationships, and overall well-being. The goal of IFS therapy is to develop "Self-leadership," where the individual's true essence (referred to as Self) can connect with and guide these parts towards a better life.
The IFS model has found its way into life coaching, offering a powerful tool to assist clients in achieving their goals and making lasting changes. To make life coaching work effectively with IFS, coaches must help clients:
Identify a clear coaching objective: IFS allows clients to uncover hidden influences and motivations behind their objectives, leading to more meaningful and achievable goals.
Explore the benefits of change: IFS helps clients view challenges as opportunities for growth, allowing them to better understand the parts that hold them back and find sustainable solutions.
Develop a clear vision: As clients envision a transformed life, IFS helps them address and manage the fears and doubts that might arise within their internal family.
Acknowledge the gap between current and desired reality: IFS provides a clearer perspective on the gap between where clients are and where they want to be, ensuring a more accurate assessment of their coaching journey.
Understand what's at stake: IFS aids in recognizing the consequences of not addressing the unresolved problem or challenge, motivating clients to take action.
Recognize their capacity for change: By helping clients connect with their inner resources, IFS allows them to see their potential for change and growth.
Believe in the possibility of change: IFS helps individuals shift their perspective from past-focused parts that resist change to embracing the present moment and its potential for transformation.
Incorporating IFS into life coaching involves intentional and structured use of the model to help clients achieve their coaching objectives, ultimately leading to more fulfilling and sustainable personal growth and change.
I hope you enjoyed this article and got something of value out of it. I wrote many of my articles before I discovered the Internal Family Systems model and started using IFS in my Spokane, Washington coaching practice.
So now, any strategies that I discussed in the past can be supercharged when we also take into account the principles of the IFS model which include:
Self - which is in the IFS model who you are - your True Self
IFS Coaches use the IFS model to help their clients make changes and get results
I have created an IFS Workbook to help my clients get lasting results
Although I trained with IFS Therapists, I am not a therapist myself. I am an IFS Practitioner and can be considered an IFS Coach which means I can coach you on how to use the IFS model. And I can use IFS in my coaching to help you get the results you want.
