What is True Self Leadership?

You, like many people, may be in the habit of attempting to manage and control aspects of yourself that you don’t like.  This effort to minimize and control who we are creates an internal tension or pressure.  From time to time, life serves up circumstances that add more pressure.  For example, someone might cut you off in traffic and scare you.  Or someone might disappoint you or lie to you.

When that happens, the undesired aspects of ourselves that we can usually handle, hide or ignore become agitated and activated.  These are the times when our lives require more attention and more effort.  This is when life seems out of control or completely overwhelming. During these times we take extra measures to regain a sense of control.  Sometimes those measures are extreme.

We stay busy, trying to numb, buffer and distract ourselves with addictions including TV, alcohol and other drugs, sex, food, people, shopping, and work.  We lie, steal, run, attack and self-harm.  We pretend, pick fights, perform and people please. We change jobs, towns and relationships.  We work on ourselves, trying to change how others perceive us.

We try to manipulate, change, and control others.  We bribe, praise and criticize them.  We threaten, blame and complain.  We shame them, withdraw and give them the silent treatment.  Or we laugh a little too much, flatter them and bat our eyes at them.

We shame ourselves and do what we can to put everything back together, back in order.  Our lives become a series of dramatic episodes.  We feel crazy.

We win or lose at games that we tell ourselves we don’t even want to play.  We struggle with decisions and rigidly stick to them rather than admitting we were wrong.  Or we second guess ourselves.

Our partners, coworkers and family members become targets for blame and venting.  The people and circumstances of our lives provide convincing distractions and explanations for our despair.

We look for new strategies in self-improvement books, workshops and gurus.  The purpose of our lives has become avoiding and managing internal tension and pressure by manipulating, avoiding, leveraging and changing our external world.

We are full.  We are at capacity.  We can’t take on anymore.  We don’t dare make one more commitment.  Our lives can go no deeper than our capacity to manage our internal pressure.  We surround ourselves with others who believe what we believe, think what we think, feel what we feel and do what we do.  We believe this is just the way life is.  This is the way it’s always been.  We haven’t known any other way.  Until now.

As our understanding of what it means to be human deepens; as we view ourselves and others from a fresh perspective, we find that a life of resistance and survival is not the only way to live. There are ways to surrender, let go, heal and embrace what lies beneath and beyond the struggle.

It’s time to remember who you are.  The True Self Leadership coaching program is designed to help you resume internal leadership.   Leading from True Self will reduce the internal tension and pressure along with the need to manage and control your external world.  By freeing up your internal resources, you will have the capacity to shift from a life of reactions and survival to a life of peace, power, purpose and freedom.

Although the principles of this program are based on a therapy model, True Self Leadership is a coaching program designed to close the gap between where you are and where you would like to be.  True Self Leadership is not intended as a substitute for IFS therapy.   This coaching program can be used along with therapy or can be done separately.