Podcast Transcript and Resources
|Bill||Hi Angela, How are you doing in Apocolypse?|
|Bill||CoronaGeddon. I saw that on Facebook, that’s very cute. Where did you get that? Did you make it up?|
|Angela||I made that up I think. I don’t know. I can’t imagine I’m the only one that’s called it that but… Considering that its snowing and that it’s Friday the 13th yesterday and they cancelled all of school for 6 weeks in the entire United States, it’s hard not to feel like it’s Coronageddon.|
|Bill||Yes, and there is so much going on in terms of reactions. I led a training this week. I led other coaches and as the news was coming out… Monday, kind of scary. Tuesday its scarier, Wednesday its horrific, Thursday national emergency day or maybe it was yesterday that they announced that. But along the way my students were experiencing what they experienced and I was experiencing what I experienced. And one of my students was practicing their coaching skills and I was playing the role of the client. And the tool that we were using (and that we will get into later in this podcast and in the online program) is called Outcome by Design. And the idea is that you describe what is going on in terms of what is the circumstance that’s got you triggered. And then we look at our thoughts and our feelings and our actions and reactions and then the results that we get from thinking and then feeling and then reacting that way. And as soon as we have looked at that we turn the whole thing upside down and design a result that we want.
So for me, the circumstance was Corona virus. The result that I was getting was heightened tension in my body and my mind. The result that I wanted was peace, clarity and presence. And so I designed that, and ended up with a list of thoughts that I am affirming over and over and over again. Would you like to hear them?
|Angela||I think that would be fabulous.|
|Bill||Alright. There’s five of them.
# 1, “My natural default state is clarity.”
# 2, “I need to keep my arrow on the right side of the zero to be in Self.” Now that might require some explanation. For those that have listened to previous podcasts, you’ll remember that on the Emotometer, which is a little tool that I designed to help people identify where they are in terms of their personal empowerment, the zero represents neutral, all the way up to +10 which represents being empowered and feeling good, all the way down on the left side to -10 represents being disempowered and feeling bad. Obviously that +10 is on the right side of the zero. So I need to keep my arrow on the right side of the zero to be in “Self”, capital “S”. Not the self-centered s that we typically think of as self. Self represents who I really am at my core; at my essence. My spiritual Self that has access to Courage and Calm and Clear and Confidence, Compassion, so many other positive attributes. So now I need to keep my arrow on the right side of the zero to be in Self. Does that make sense?
#3, “I cannot be in Self when parts are blending.” Requiring more explanation. So I can’t be in Self, I can’t be coming from seeing life through the eyes of who I really am. I can’t really be seeing life and experiencing life through the perspective of my spiritual Self, when parts of me that are scared and hurt and angry are blended with who I really am. Because my view gets skewed when those parts of me take over.
|Angela||I feel that right now.|
|Bill||Ya. I bet most people do right now. People aren’t going to be listening, well nobody’s going to be listening to this today, on the 14th of March, 2020 . But I’m guessing this thing’s going to be around a while and whether its Corona virus or anything else that’s going on in our individual worlds or collective worlds, we’ve got STUFF that’s going to trigger our parts.|
|Angela||Chaos. There’s always chaos. There’s always some form out there whether it’s what’s going on now, or can just be in our own lives. Just our own little battles that we have.|
|Bill||No doubt. And we also always have access to, the potential to access our True Selves. Who we really are which is where we find that “I” in the storm that Richard Schwartz says. Richard Schwartz is the author of the therapy model, Internal Family Systems. And that’s where this idea of a Self comes from.
So now, are you ready for number four?
#4. “ I need to listen to my parts to unblend and provide Self-Leadership.” I’ll expand on that just a little bit. By the way, future episodes of this podcast and the online program are going to be addressing this much more deeply. “This” being the concept of an Internal Family System that can be led by an internal spiritual Self.
I need to listen to my parts. I need to listen to those voices in my head, those internal influences that are saying, “The sky is falling” or, “They’re out to get me” or, “There’s not going to be enough toilet paper” or, “I didn’t get enough canned goods” or, “the grocery store is going to be empty of shelves, their shelves are going to be empty and I’m going to have to fight people for that last can of corn.”
|Angela||Or, “I don’t want to get sick.”|
|Bill||I don’t want to get sick, I don’t want to die from this, who’s going to take care of my kids…|
|Angela||Or who around me is vulnerable? I worry about my mom a lot so that’s where I get really concerned.|
|Bill||Ya. So I need to listen to those internal influences so that I can unblend. Unblend means that if I’m blended with a part, I’m not seeing reality as it is. I’m seeing reality through the perspective of the eyes or view of those extreme, activated, reactive parts of me. Not the calm, center of the storm. Make sense?|
|Bill||And then, #5, “If I’m in Self, if I’m coming from that spiritual center of who I actually am, if I’m in Self, I will always know what to do no matter what happens with the Corona virus.”|
|Bill||So let’s read those again then. Let me read those again. Now that I’ve explained what they all mean.
#1. My natural default state is clarity.
#2. I need to keep my arrow on the right side of the zero to be in Self
#3. I can’t be in Self when parts are blending.
#4. I need to listen to my parts to unblend and provide Self leadership.
#5. If I’m in Self, I will always know what to do, no matter what happens with the Corona virus.
|Angela||Question. Can you just briefly give a little more understanding about parts. We’ve done parts work in the past but we really haven’t touched on it in the podcast. Can you just give an overview of what that means?|
|Bill||Ya. Most people, usually when we’re young; 8 years and younger (mostly but not completely). I mean this happens throughout our lifetimes that we be traumatized. But not just traumatized because it doesn’t have to be that extreme. When we have a sense of powerlessness, helplessness or hopelessness, or God forbid, all three at the same time, the feeling is so unbearable that we’ve got to do something about it if we’re to survive. Whether it’s real or just perceived, if we feel so threatened that we believe that we’re actually powerless; if we actually believe there’s no hope…If we actually believe we’re helpless, whether those beliefs are founded in reality and truth or just perceived doesn’t matter. Our bodies, our minds, our psyches, every fiber of our being reacts to those situations desperately. And we have to figure out a way to survive.
So one of the ways that, apparently the psyche responds to those kinds of situations is to find some way to have some hope. To find some place to get some help. And to find some way to have a sense of power to reverse those powerless, helpless, hopeless feelings. And so we kind of, I’m not going to say split off because that would indicate, like a pathological mental illness. It’s not that. This is a normal thing that happens with every human being. We all were born with parts. They are all there to serve us. They – we will always have those parts of us. It’s just that when we were born with those parts, they were there to serve us in ways that our spiritual center couldn’t do by itself. We needed, uh, for example we needed a part that could manage our lives in such a way that we survived and even thrived. We needed parts of us to be able to defend ourselves if there was a real threat. And we need the ability, we needed parts of us that had the ability to hold the emotions of extreme situations long enough so that we could respond to those extreme situations, survive them and then process those emotions later.
Many of us never learned how to completely process and integrate those parts of ourselves. And gradually, over time, they began, more and more to take over the control of our lives. And the way they take over is that they form the lens through which we view our lives. The Internal Family Systems, which has been developed for 38 years now, since 1982 by Richard Schwartz, discovered and now has developed the ability to actually listen to those parts, be grateful for them, thank them, understand them, and then eventually unburden them and then reintegrate into a healthy, whole Self so they can serve us the way they were originally intended to. Does that make sense?
|Angela||Ya, makes tons of sense. Um, just to reflect back on some of the parts work that I have with you, which actually has had an effect on me… We basically kind of examined maybe a source of where anxiety and loss of control came from from my childhood. And through that process I was able to find a little bit of clarity and also define that part of me. From trauma in my childhood. Then, a lot deeper than that obviously. But just to kind of reflect on being able to kind of pull apart one process of examining the source of where that all kind of began. It was very interesting. And I’m pretty sure we’ll do more of that in the future.|
|Bill||What impact did that have on you Angela?|
|Angela||It was actually really strange. The reason why the parts work was so interesting to me was that, kind of talking about some anxiety that I was experiencing in my current day. Because that’s how we would start most of our sessions was just what was going on with that day. And it was funny. When we started doing the parts work, which I had kind of closed my eyes and we were reflecting back on some of the questions you were asking me. You know, I was just being whole-heartedly honest on each one. And all of the sudden I could just flash back to one specific moment that that happened in my childhood. And I probably hadn’t even thought about it or realized that it had any connection to anything. And it was kind of phenomenal in that way that my brain was ahead of you questioning things. It was like your questions were leading me to this place and I was already there before you got to a question that would have gotten that answer. From that, though, I… I kind of, what we did was we just sent away those feelings. We said goodbye to them, we said that they don’t exist anymore and obviously it’s not like my anxiety is just gone. I wouldn’t say that it’s gone.
But I think that that method of examining where it all started found some peace from that moment. Also gave me a little bit of clarity from that moment. It also ties me back to knowing that I do have a place to start from without those feelings. And that I don’t feel as anxious anymore. I kind of packed it away. I mean I think at times like this, anxiety is high for many, we’re in uncharted territories in our situation currently. And so there’s tons of question marks in the air. Not knowing what news to trust and what info you need to care about and that sort of thing. I think there is a little bit of anxiety there. But I think it’s a lot more honed in. And I’m also a bit closet to keeping myself on the right side of the zero to finding the positives. Trying to count blessings and figuring out, you know, the best solutions to problems. Verses being in panic mode which some people are. They’re absolutely in panic mode. Buying toilet paper by the piles, you know? That still doesn’t even make sense. But people are doing it.
|Bill||Ya. Well, that’s what happens when life activates these extreme parts whose jobs are to either prevent us from feeling the upset or to hold the energy of the upset, or to calm us once we do begin to feel upset. Essentially, that describes, generally speaking, the three different kinds of parts that we have in us. The managers that try to keep life controlled. The exiles that have been exiled away to hold those painful or scary or angry feelings that aren’t acceptable to us. And the firefighters that, when the exiles do flame up, put the fire out. And that can look a lot of different ways.
That can look like binging on Ben and Jerry’s or Netflix. Or it can look like alcohol or any other drug. It can look like sex addiction. It can look like workahol…it can look like so many different things.
|Angela||Hoarding. Hoarding toilet paper. Or canned goods. Ya. It might be your way of making you feel safe because you do have so much toilet paper or whatever. Whatever item it is.|
|Bill||Ya, it’s … I think it’s metaphorically a way to cover your ass.|
|Angela||(laughs) I think so. Hey, I’m examining the amount of toilet paper I have. You know, you don’t really pay attention to how much you need until you’re in a situation like this and you’re like, “Is that enough? And what happens? And why?” So may questions. So many questions to answer right now.|
|Bill||Yes, Yes, Yes. I’m wondering, even though this isn’t on the schedule for today to record, to talk about… I’m wondering if, even though we have something else…Lesson 3 today is the Emotometer Calibration Exercise. But I’m also wondering if it wouldn’t be a bad idea…I think it might be a good idea to dive even deeper into this today and maybe put it out there for folks to benefit from now. Whether we use it now in the podcast or online program.|
|Bill||So, Lets dive a little bit deeper into each of these five affirmations that I am reviewing daily so that I can stay calm and be able to access the wisdom that’s necessary to be able to know how to respond in a situation that I’ve never, that most us, maybe none of us have ever experienced before. The possibility of being quarantined, and not being able to leave the house. The possibility of being infected by this Corona virus who, which we may or may not really know enough about, can be very very scary times. If we ever needed a way to go in and find some wise internal leadership, now would be the time. Would you agree?|
|Angela||I think so.|
|Bill||Alright, hey, let’s do it this way. So, if you’re open to it, let’s talk about your most extreme internal reactions to this circumstance.|
|Angela||Okay. I’m a news junkie. So being in media for all these years, it’s always been important to me to kind of have a good eye on the news. So, I wouldn’t say I’ve been fully sucked in. I’ve been trying to take breaks from watching continuous coverage. Because you can find it on many stations. But I’ve been, you know, trying to weave my way through what the news has been talking about for quite a while now. I actually, my mom’s fighting cancer. She’s actually, as we know right now with no tumors but, she takes an amino-therapy drug every three weeks and because of that her immune system is very compromised. And she fell and broke her hip about a month ago – a little over a month ago. So she is definitely one of the compromised. She’s 65, I mean, she just meets all the criteria of anyone that should not get it. So, about three weeks ago I quarantined her. I told her she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere except doctor’s appointments. When she goes out, she needs to wear gloves, and she needs to wear her mask. Lots of insecurity there because she argued with me and she’s a nurse and she thinks I’m overreacting and dah de dah de dah. So there was that. Um, she’s now succumbed to the resistance. She now won’t go to the grocery store, she won’t go to the pharmacy. That’s my job. I will do that for her. So that’s one source of stress from the very beginning. I was way ahead of this, honestly. I really saw this coming.
So for me there isn’t a big surprise that they cancelled school. For me it’s not a surprise that they’re giving us options to work from home. It really isn’t a surprise to be kind of not be getting toilet paper, but just looking a little bit ahead in case there’s a quarantine.
I’ve read stories out of some of the other countries, seen some videos from some people out of other countries that do have stronger quarantines. So, you know, this has already been in the forefront of my mind. I do have some or a little bit of fear. Obviously scared that my mom, scared for my mom. Just that she’s definitely one of the candidates that cannot take it. Fearful for our hospitals and um… I have many friends that are nurses and that sort of thing and so I worry about their health. I worry about their stress. I worry about our health care system and how they can handle it. Whether or now we are making all the right decisions right now, if we’re too late. Because they’re saying that this virus has already been spreading and we’ve just not been on top of it because of lack of testing.
So those are some of my thoughts. Obviously, they just cancelled schools. Now I’m trying to become a teacher for my kids because we need to have some healthy habits. We need structure. We need a schedule. Going to venture out to the library today to get the kids some books so we can find some topics of some things to study. Because I think that’s really important. Also sanity – keeping us sane by having a schedule. And also trying to figure out things that we can do as a family to stay healthy and stay… obviously we have snow on the ground right now. But going for runs, taking the dogs for walks, going for hikes. As long as we’re not quarantined, we should try to get out and out of the house when we can. Outdoors because that’s still OK.
But the fear of an actual quarantine is a little weird. We’re a busy family. We’re on the go all the time. Things have been cancelled. I’m thinking about keeping them entertained, keeping them from being mean to eachother or hurting each other. Keeping my marriage straight, I mean there’s just, there’s a lot there. A lot to unpack. Not knowing what the future looks like and also just how to keep my mindset right, you know. I mean, I think of The Shining a little bit (laughs) you know?
I mean luckily we’re on the edge of spring so hopefully being outdoors and doing some things in the garden and doing some stuff around the house that I’ve been wanting to do. I don’t know, maybe Home Depot might still be open. Maybe I can find some sanity there. But just thinking about what a quarantine might look like for my family and for those around me. Not knowing how to get supplies, or rationing food, I mean I don’t know, I don’t know. So there’s obviously so many questions that cannot be answered at this time. I can’t help but feel a little anxiety.
|Bill||Lots and lots and lots on your mind. And I’m sure that what you just shared is just the tip of the iceberg. Have you seen, read or heard that the average adult thinks an average of 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts per day?|
|Angela||Say that again?|
|Bill||The average adult thinks somewhere between 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts every single day.|
|Bill||It is. And so the 2 to 3 minutes that you used to share some of the thoughts that you’re most aware of is probably just the tip of the iceberg.|
|Bill||And what’s probably also true is that those thoughts or some version of those thoughts may be 90% of the 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts that you’ve thought over the last 24 hours.|
|Bill||Now if those thoughts are occupying your prefrontal cortex; if those are the thoughts that your conscious attention is focused on, it would be really important to be aware of the energetic, emotional and empowerment impact of those thoughts. Would you agree?|
|Bill||So if you had to guess right now, just generally, looking at the Emotometer (and for those that aren’t looking at an Emotometer right now, imagine a gauge with a needle or an arrow pointing anywhere from -10 on the left side to +10 on the right side with zero in the middle) where would that needle be pointing? Where would that arrow be pointing right now for you?|
|Angela||That’s a hard one. And I will say first its because of all the unknowns. If I was to start answering the unknowns, I think the number would drop a ton. I’m feeling pretty empowered today because I listed off some of the plans of things I’m kind of putting into place for my family and some… you know the effort of even meeting with you today (sidenote, normally we meet in your office. I’ve got a sore throat so we’ve decided to do this separately. Different technology. I’m actually sitting on my bed right now with my recording equipment and you’re sitting in your office. So we’re not doing things as we normally would. But knowing that we made today happen is very empowering for me. So I’m feeling empowered. But I would say that, I’ll give two numbers.
If was to be really focused in on all of the questions that don’t have answers that I don’t think anybody can answer for me right now, I’d be at a negative 10. Just because I could really spin myself and the old me before I had some of these techniques would spin myself into catastrophe. Thinking of the worse-case scenario and how to solve each one of those problems. So, I’m definitely not there. I like to examine those questions and ask those questions out loud – especially just now when I rambled. Because it makes me kind of examine those thoughts through practices with you. But because I’m feeling a little empowered I’d still say at this moment in time it’s a negative 2.
|Bill||Ok. That’s an interesting range. Isn’t it?|
|Bill||-2 to plus 10|
|Angela||Or -10. It wasn’t plus 10. Minus 10.|
|Bill||Oh, excuse me. -10 to…|
|Angela||Ya, if I were to catastrophise and go through all those questions that no one, I mean I just watched a news conference, I mean they don’t have answers to everything. They just don’t know. Nobody knows anything. You know, they’re still trying to figure it all out. The virus has only been around since New Years Eve I believe and it’s March. Mid-March. So, you know, what do they know? Are we going to be quarantined you know blah blah blah. How long could this last…6 months, you know stuff like that then easily I could be at a negative 10 because there’s no answers for me. But that’s not where, you know, you should go anyway. You should be empowered in the moment you are in right now. And focusing in on the things that you can control, which is your mindset.|
|Bill||Only if you want to show up as the best version of yourself.|
|Bill||And if you’re not consciously intending to do that, then you’re probably going to just follow the bouncing ball. You’re going to be paying attention to whatever is happening in front of you. You’re going to tune into those news channels, you know, listening to the reports. You’re going to hear the people echoing exactly your concerns and your fears with no answers. Maybe some speculation. Maybe some extreme points of view and you’re going to find yourself completely, or at least partially disempowered when our natural default state is clarity, that’s just going to bring confusion. If our natural default state is clarity and that matches our natural default asset of wisdom, then if the opposite is true: If we’re focusing our conscious attention in such a way that we’re confused, we have no access to clarity at a time when we need it the most.|
|Angela||Right. So 2 points I want to make really quick. Right now for me being a mom and being a wife, its really important for me… and being couped up in the house… it’s really important that I keep my mindset empowered and positive and supportive and to transition that right into what we talked about about parts.
I have two young children. Not young, I mean, teenagers, preteens, but they’re listening and watching. And parts of them are being created possibly through this. So it makes me very aware of how powerful my mindset and my approach to viewing situations for them is even more important.
|Bill||I’m inspired in this moment to use both my 5 affirmations and the content of Lesson 3 because I can see now how well they tie in with eachother. So with your permission, I’d like to go ahead and shift to lesson 3 now which is the Emotometer Calibration Exercise.|
|Bill||Alright. Do you have it there in front of you?|
|Bill||And for those of you who are using the online program, put us on pause right now and download the Emotometer Calibration Exercise. There’s 2 PDFs. One of them is the Lesson 3 explanation. And then the other is the form itself. So pause us and then come back.
Let’s go ahead and start reading this and talking about it. Would you like to read and have me interrupt you? Or shall I read and interrupt myself?
|Angela||I can read and you can interrupt. OK. So its the Emotometer Calibration Exercise, Lesson 3. What is your idle?
The Emotometer is designed to increase your awareness of the relationship between your thoughts, your energy, your emotions, and your personal power. With the setting -10 to +10, it provides a method to describe your emotional energy and your sense of personal empowerment.
|Bill||Alright, Angela. So, does what you just read make sense to you? Do you have any thoughts or concerns or questions about any of that?|
|Angela||I do not because I use it often. But um, I think it’s always kind of interesting as a place to manage your mindset. Like you say, keep yourself on the right side of the zero. So when I start to feel haste, stress, concern, fear, I could go on and on, I will find myself asking myself if I’m on the right side of the zero. And I’ll also try to give myself a number, a measurement tool.|
|Bill||Ya and what this exercise is designed to do is to give you a baseline setting so that you can determine “What’s normal for me?” Now nothing’s probably going to normal for you or me or anybody else right now because of this crisis. And that may or may not be true. But this gives you a baseline so that you know on any particular day, in any particular moment, in any particular situation you can do a real quick calibration and compare it to what your normal idle is So, for example when I first started tracking my idle, my calibration of personal empowerment, I was around a plus four and the more I do my personal development work the higher that number goes. So that most days it’s somewhere between +5 and plus six so let’s go ahead and continue here and let the lesson explain more about what I just said|
|Angela||If a car’s engine is out of tune, it may sporadically surge and rev or idle so low that it stops running. Or it may race with the idle set too high. When a car is running well, it idles predictably, economically, and steadily.
Human beings have an idle as well. Some of us vacillate throughout the day between -10 and +10 on the Emotometer. We feel high, then low. Calm, then upset. Worried, then relieved. Optimistic, then disappointed. We often run inefficiently and burn up a lot of energy. We feel empowered and then disempowered many times a day, throughout a conversation or in a circumstance. There are others whose Emotometer readings are consistently high or consistently low.
|Bill||Ya, so can you relate to that?|
|Bill||High then low.|
|Angela||Noticing your default energetic set point will help you to establish a comparable baseline to measure progress as you tune-up and reset your mind. This energetic set-point correlates with your emotions, your energy and your sense of personal empowerment. By increasing your sense of personal empowerment, you can access inspiration, wisdom and the necessary motivation to take the actions that will create the results you want. Elevate your idle to increase your capacity for success.|
|Bill||Ya, and elevate your idle to increase your capacity to be clear. Capacity to be wise. Your capacity to know what to do no matter what’s going on in your life including the threat of Coronavirus – some of which is defined and known, some of which isn’t.|
|Angela||I think there are many people that could use that right now.|
|Bill||So, let’s just…let’s get this out there as soon as we can. OK. The exercise itself – if you’re using the online program, take a look now at the form as we read to you how to go about doing it. And also, make some suggestions on things you can do over the next day and days and week. So, to get a sense of what is your idle. By the way, the two coaches that I was working with earlier this week, who I trained how to do this guessed on Monday what they thought their idle, ya, their default empowerment setting would be. And they were both surprised to see that it was lower than they thought it would be.|
|Bill||Alright, so the exercise, Establish Your Current Default Idle.
Over the next week, using the Personal Empowerment Log on the next few pages, (or the separate PDF) calibrate your Personal Empowerment setting on the Emotometer randomly at least 4 times a day. Note the date, time and Emotometer Setting along with the activity you are engaged in, anything you might be reacting to, where your conscious attention is focused, and any observations that you think may be contributing to your Emotometer Setting. Refer to the Emotometer to calibrate the setting of your Personal Empowerment.
Now, you should have gotten a PDF of an Emotometer in previous lessons. But we’ll go ahead and include another one now in this lesson so that if you can’t locate it, if you can’t find it, you’ve got another one. I do recommend, if you have a printer, that you print this out. And if you don’t have a printer, to save the image on your computer, your tablet or your phone so you can easily and often access it and look at it.
Now, after you’ve done this Emotometer Calibration Exercise, here’s a question for you to think about.
What did you learn about the relationship between your circumstances, your thoughts, your feelings, your energy and your personal empowerment?
And before you listen to how Angela answers that question, please take a moment. Put this on pause and take a moment and answer that question. I will repeat it one more time.
What did you learn about the relationship between your circumstance, your thoughts, your feelings, and your energy and your personal empowerment?
What about you Angela? What did you learn so far?
|Angela||Um, well, obviously circumstances: I don’t have control over. I can’t affect the way my mom was resistant. Or I can’t change the spread of the disease. I’m not in the power to do that. I’m not in control of whether or not school gets cancelled or whether you know… So circumstances are beyond my control. Its just how I view them.
Um, if, examining, by examining your thoughts and you’re finding yourself feeling a certain sort of way, you just have to relook at what those thoughts are to then adjust your Emotometer standing. Does that make sense? Is that what you were..
|Bill||It makes sense to me. Ya.|
|Angela||Is that what you were looking for?|
|Bill||Yes, and let me give you my view on what I’ve learned since I’ve been using the tool, the Emotometer and since I originally calibrated my own Emotometer Personal Empowerment idle. Is that, just as you say, we have very very little control over the circumstances of our lives. We probably have more control than we actually think. That sounds like a paradoxical thing to say, and it’s still true. That we don’t have control over much. But we actually have control over more than we think. And, uh, it’s just that how we go about trying to get that control, and how it actually works, are two different things.
When we force our will; when we try to make things happen according to our preferences, our likes and dislikes, we live a life of struggle and effort and exhaustion. Can you relate to that?
|Bill||When we surrender and allow reality to be reality, when we surrender and allow life to serve up whatever life is going to serve up. Whether it’s prosperity and abundance or scarcity and fear, well fear would not be life. Fear would be our response to it, but challenging situations or those that go the way we want them to, let me put it that way. When we just let it fold as it unfolds and do that by recognizing that not doing that means attaching our own meaning to what’s going on, life just unfolds. Circumstances occur. Life just unfolds, circumstances just occur, but we attach our interpretation, our stories, our meanings, our values, our expectations, our disappointments, our hurts onto those circumstances… What were you going to say?|
|Angela||Oh, I said, “or fear”|
|Bill||Or fear. Ya, fear, right… about what’s going on, and then we experience the emotions, or the drama that we experience in life. But actually what causes the emotions, what actually causes the drama are our stories, our interpretation and our meanings that we apply to the circumstances of our lives. So, circumstances occur, they have no meaning until we give them meaning. Once we give them meaning, now we are either empowered or disempowered by the meaning that we’ve given. Because we view circumstances through the lens of our thoughts and beliefs. And that view, filtered by our beliefs and thoughts is what has us feeling how we feel in that circumstance. People are scared. People are reacting the way that they react to Corona Virus because of what they think and believe about Corona Virus. And if we don’t have a confident external leader, or leaders who can inform us about what is it and what can we do about it and is it going to be OK, and we are in the habit of relying on external sources for leadership, we’re going to be up and down. We’re going to scared, then we’re going to be calm. Or maybe we’re just going to be scared all the time.
There’s probably more, a higher level of anxiety going on right now in the general public maybe than we’ve ever seen. Because there is so much that’s unknown.
|Bill||But if we can, but if we can switch our dependence on leadership from the outside to the inside, if we can look inside for that leadership. And if we can find inside our essence, that at our essence, at our core, who we really are is a spiritual being, having this physical experience…and once we access that spiritual core, that essence, find the calm, the wisdom, the courage, the clarity – now, now we’ve got some leadership that we can rely on.
Our spiritual essence doesn’t know any more than our external leaders do about the Corona Virus, but our spiritual essence knows everything there is to know in this present moment about what’s important. And that is – and what is important is reality as it is without our interpretation.
Before we wrap up I’d like to offer a couple of suggestions on how to do that.
|Bill||How can we go inside and access the power of our True Selves – of our essence? One way is through the breath. To demonstrate, I want to just suggest that, as you’re listening, just listen to my voice as I guide you over the next 60 seconds or so, through a simple breathing process. Before you start, make a note of your personal empowerment setting. Look at your Emotometer. What number are you at now? And Angela, let’s just have you answer that out loud so we can uh, maybe demonstrate the difference this can make.|
|Bill||-2 right now. OK, so I’ll take care of the timer. And what I would like you to do is just watch your breath for, let’s just say 30 seconds. And when I say go start. And when I say stop, then tell me what your number is. Ready, Go.
And stop. And what’s your number?
|Angela||Negative 1. I’m definitely more calm.|
|Bill||Mhmm. Slight improvement. Okay. Now, for the next 30 seconds, be a little more intentional about your breathing. Not just watching it, but in addition to watching it, intentionally breathing more deeply. Uh, and so what that would look like is to take as much breath as you an into your lungs, as deeply as you can. And then to release it as slowly as you can, blowing it all out. And do that until I say stop. Ready? Go.
And stop. And what would you say your number is now?
|Angela||Zero. Definitely more calm .|
|Bill||OK, so we started at minus 2, then we went to -1, and then to 0. Now, Angela, tell me one thing that you genuinely, authentically, in this moment appreciate.|
|Bill||What about your family?|
|Angela||That we’re in it together. That we started a puzzle last night because I know we probably have a lot of time to sit around. The kids are somewhat open to my schedule idea. (laughs) somewhat. My husband is very calm, cool and collected. Almost all the time and nothing has changed in his demeanor at all. I’m like, “Are you panicking?” He’s like “No, we’re fine.” Its like “Don’t worry about it.” So I really appreciate that about him. He’s, I’m the talker, I’m the overthinker, I’m the planner. You know, I take a lot of those roles on and he kind of always kind of sits back kind of stoic and like, “Nope. We’ll be fine. We’ll play video games. We’ll watch movies. We’ll chill. We’ll make good food. You know? Just very thankful I can lean on him and that, you know, my family is…I’m going through it with them. I’m not going to be alone.|
|Bill||Now check your Emotometer reading.|
|Angela||Oh, definitely a 2. Already better|
|Bill||Ya, It’s taken, it’s taken about 2 to 3 minutes to from a -2 to a +2. And now that you are at a plus 2, whether you are aware of it or not, you have more access to your spiritual center, essence, core. Who you really are. You have more access to that. You have more access to your internal leadership. And because of that, you have less reliance and dependence on an external leader to provide your security and comfort. That’s what we’re all being called to do right now.|
|Angela||I think, ultimately, just challenging our selves to even practice this regularly is a beneficial factor. Like I said, for me, examining these things is incredibly important from the day to day. Especially when you have others that you are surrounded by. Because it does make a difference on those around you.|
|Bill||Absolutely. Who might be looking to you for leadership.|
|Angela||Right. Same thing goes even to thinking about my work. Same thing about when I talk to my mom, you know, if I was to catastrophize it every single time I talk to my mom, I would just be pushing more fear, disbelief, whatever on her. So, you know, when times, specifically like this, but even in the day of life… You know that time when you pick up the phone and you call your best friend and you completely unload on them? And you give them all of the stuff you’re dealing with and I’m not talking about this situation. I’m just talking about in general. A bad day at work or whatever. And you call and unload on them. And sometimes you just need to and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you also need to think about what elements of that may affect them. Whether or not it’s because they’re worried about you or, you know. And now you’re creating worry, unnecessary, maybe unnecessary worry about you just because you’re unloading. But also making them look at themselves or examine their issues. And it may make them feel some sort of way. So there’s a lot of empowerment in thinking about using this tool on a regular basis to reset your center. Because we all have the chance to kind of make a difference around those who need us.|
|Bill||And the tool that we just used, we haven’t really defined, we haven’t labeled or talked about yet. We just did it. It’s called the 10-Minute Mindset Reset Exercise. And we’ll be talking that in a podcast and in an online lesson very soon. But for now, let’s go back, uh, let’s trace this all the way back to the beginning of the conversation. Prior to doing that exercise where you saw that you could quickly shift your personal empowerment from -2 to a plus 2, and for those that are listening from wherever you were if you actually followed the, my guidance, you probably noticed that you too were more empowered and it took less than 3 minutes to get there. Imagine taking 10 minutes every single day and giving yourself permission to complain about what might be going on in your life for up to four juicy minutes.
Uh, I would journal this. Just write it all down. What am I unhappy about? What am I scared about? What am I angry about? What am I worried and concerned about? Write it all down. And if you do have friends that are calling or are on Facebook or needing to reach out and are scared and just need to be heard, give them permission to do that as well. Hold that 4 minutes for them. But tell them right up front. “I’m going to listen to you for four minutes. But that’s it. That’s as much as I’ve got for you is four minutes. I’m not judging you. I’m not telling you you shouldn’t be complaining. Of course you should be complaining. Because you feel complaint.”
So, there’s nothing wrong with complaining. Absolutely nothing. But limit it. Give those parts of yourself that are scared, worried, angry, terrorized, traumatized, whatever they’re experiencing right now, give them four minutes to express their concerns. And then set a timer. Don’t go past that for yourself or for anybody else. And then invite them, invite yourself to take a minute and breathe. And pay attention just to your breath. Because wherever you take your conscious attention and focus that conscious attention, will determine your sense of personal empowerment and your access to who you really are. Your True Self. Once you’ve taken that minute notice the difference. It might not be much of a difference. It might be a lot of difference just because you’ve stopped focusing on what you are complaining about and took your conscious attention entirely and put it on your breath in this moment. Moment to moment to moment. Once you notice the improvement, now, be more intentional about your breath. Breathe more deeply, 30 seconds, 60 seconds … I recommend 60. We just did 30 today. 60 seconds. I’d recommend 60. We just did 30 today. 60 seconds. Breathe real deeply. And if you do that you might notice that unless you have some respiratory problems, you’re probably going to be able to take in 3 or 4 inhales and exhales. And because you’re more intentional – that you’re not just watching your breath – you’re actually intending to breath more deeply, you’re going to find even more relief from worry and concern and more access to peace and calm. And then, cap it off with three minutes of appreciation.
What is it that I appreciate, right now in this moment? Think of your health, finances, or your family or your friends, or the love that’s around you. Let’s see, what else? Like what’s going on right now and what’s.. that you appreciate and what went on yesterday, what’s going on tomorrow? What, what’s going to, what’s going on this week? What’s happening in your life right now that you appreciate?
Remember, the focus now is on appreciation. You’ve already given yourself a chance to complain. Now it’s appreciation. And after that four minutes, or three minutes, whatever you give yourself, now look at your number again and notice the difference where you focus your conscious attention makes. And then, become a better – practice this – become and better and better and better steward of your own thoughts. That doesn’t mean change your thinking. You’re going to think what you think. But if you try to resist and control your thinking, it will persist and even get stronger. On the other hand, if you allow yourself, give yourself permission to think whatever there is to think, and then be intentional about whatever you want to focus on, your personal empowerment will improve.
And now lets go back to those five affirmations that we started with.
Since my natural default state is clarity, I need to keep my arrow on the right side of the zero so that I can be in Self and provide my own internal leadership. Where I’ll find wisdom, clarity, courage, peace and compassion. But I can’t be there in my essence in my spiritual self when my parts, those parts that are scared or angry or upset or blended with me and changing my view. So I need to listen to those parts. Not control them. Not push them away. Not resist them. But listen to their complaints. But no more than 4 minutes. And then i’ll unblend with them. They’ll be grateful. They will. It’s like they’re going to be little people, little kids. They’re going to be grateful to be heard from. Think about your kids. When you try to ignore them or control them, they don’t act very well. But when you listen to them and they feel really understood and heard, they start acting better don’t they. They’re happier. They feel more peaceful, they feel more secure. That’s just the way our parts are as well. So that’s what’s called, that’s what unblending is. Is separating enough from those parts to be able to hear them, hear their concerns, and then you, you now have access to your spiritual Self. You now view life more as it is rather than through the interpretation of those parts. And if you are able to do that, you will always know what to do no matter what happens. Whether it’s with the Corona Virus, or the financial markets, or a relationship problems, or money – whatever it is. Whatever it is, you will know what to do.
|Angela||Love it. Awesome work Bill.|
|Bill||Ya, awesome work on your part as well. Thanks so much for your help.
And let me just throw this out on the recording as well. For either use now or in the future. That is if somebody wants additional support from me, the first thing I would suggest that they do is go to my website and check me out. www.BillTierneyCoaching.com
Another thing that can happen is you can schedule a sample coaching session with me for/of up to 60 minutes. No obligation, no cost by going to www.BillsCalendar.com and find a 30 – 60 minutes that works for you.
Another thing that you can do is uh, sign up for an upcoming workshop by going to www.ResetMyMindset.com
Or just give me a call at 509-230-5152
|Angela||You may want to add that you do offer zoom conferencing so you don’t actually have to be around Bill. You don’t actually have to be around him right now. Because nobody’s supposed to be around anybody so…We’re supposed to be social distancing ourselves. As we’re doing this podcast, two separate locations for the first time. I just think that’s an awesome element that you can offer via phone, via zoom conferencing, you know. Everything that you have created in your workflow is in PDF form and so it’s real easy for you to be able to send out worksheets and that sort of thing too. So if you’re interested in getting more, especially in times like this, where it could not be a bad thing.|
|Bill||You know I think, and I’ll look right now, another way that folks… that’s a really good point Angela. I’m not meeting with anybody in person for a while. Everything’s going to be over the phone or via zoom video conferencing. If you go to Facebook and you want to find me there, you just search CoachBillTierney I think, let’s see. I’m checking it out right now to see if that works. Yep. There I am. Bill Tierney Coaching. And then start following me and uh. I might also invite you to join. You can go to and search for Ask Coach Bill. I have about 150 people in that group right now. It’s a private group where anybody who wants group coaching via Facebook can get that. So that’s Ask Coach Bill
Lots of ways to get a hold of me. Lots of resources to support you. Thanks for listening.