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We’re not really broken. I know it can feel that way. It can feel hopeless.
But it’s not. You can break the cycle. Doing so may be the most important thing you ever do in your life.
I came from a long line of generational addiction, dysfunction, abuse, and neglect.
When I was growing up, I used to think, what the hell is wrong with these people?!
I’ll never be like them! When I grow up I’m not going to be a drunk. I’m not going to use drugs, I’m not going to act crazy, I’m not going to be like my dad or mom.
I was convinced I was different. Better than my parents and their parents.
I wasn’t. Shockingly, I automatically recreated the life I thought I was better than. I lived with shame and wanted to change but didn’t know how.
Lucky for me, life started falling apart while I was still pretty young and I found some help. It’s probably more true that some help found me.
Asking for help was against the family rules. You don’t ask for help! That means you’re weak. And what would others think about the family if one of us needed help?
I broke the rules. I got help. I got sober. Sobriety was going to fix everything.
Over time, I became convinced that I was irreparably broken. The best I could do was to pretend like I wasn’t.
I was a pretty good actor, but I was dying inside. I suffered from anxiety and depression and made the people around me suffer too.
Fear controlled me. I hated to even look in the mirror.
I was convinced that people could see right through me and knew that if they did, they would hate me as much as I did.
After reaching out for help, I learned I wasn’t alone.
I was among millions of other zombies walking around thinking I was alive and wishing I weren’t.
I wanted to find the secret to stopping the pain, stopping the fear, stopping the suffering.
Then one day I heard Byron Katie ask a question I will never forget.
“Do you believe everything you think?”
Of course I did! I didn’t know there were any other options.
That was the beginning of my personal transformation and I’ve been on that journey ever since.
I rarely suffer these days. Fear only shows up when there is something to be afraid of. And I know how to be with pain- I know how to heal it.
I’m not who I thought I was. What a relief!
That means I don’t have to work so hard! I’m not broken! Never have been.
Now I can stop trying to fix me.
I can stop hiding.
I can stop playing small.
I can stop hedging my bets.
I can start showing up and living full out.
Now I have a life that I love.
So can you.
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