As a mindset coach, I listen for language that provides the clues about what drives a person or what stops them. For those of us who are building and running businesses, nothing is more important than the mindset behind our language. 

For example, the words “should” or “shouldn’t” can be completely disempowering. Instead of dousing ourselves in personal kindness, we’re placing shame and disappointment on our own heads.

Our language reflects our values, our fears, and the rules we have made for ourselves. I had a conversation this morning with a client who told me she was frustrated and wanted to figure out how to get business without having to make herself do what she doesn’t want to do.

I asked her what she has done in the past to get business. She listed, among other activities, networking. I asked her how much business she got from networking. Her answer was “none.”

“How much time,” I asked, “do you spend networking?” 

“Three hours per week.”

“Do you enjoy networking?”

“No, but if I want to build my business I should network.”

“Did you hear yourself just now?”


Then she said, “Yeah. I don’t get any business from networking but because I think I should network, I spend three hours a week networking. I don’t enjoy it but I drag my body to these events, survive them for an hour or so and go home feeling like sh*#!”

“What would you like to spend those three hours doing instead every week?”

“Anything. I’d be spending time with my son and my husband. I would be finishing that online course I started.”

What would you rather be doing?

After about 20 minutes, as I took notes, she listed several tactics that she has enjoyed doing and that have helped grow her business. She also had a few ideas she hasn’t had time to implement. We went over the list and I asked her what she would do over the next 30 days with each item. 

When we were finished, she was energized and enthused.

“So why am I spending all of this time networking?”

“Because you believed someone when they told you that to build a business you have to network. The facts don’t happen to agree in your case.”

“What if I stopped spending these three hours a week networking and started doing things I haven’t had time for but would enjoy doing to build my business?”

I listen for words like should and shouldn’t, can’t, have to and need to to help my clients shift their mindset from their disempowering rules, beliefs and fears to personal kindness and empowering values and truths.

Listen to your own language. 

What disempowering language do you use that reflects beliefs and fears preventing you from getting the results you want?

What could happen if you shed the “shoulds”? What could happen if you chose self-kindness?

Let’s chat

Would you like to discuss the difference mindset coaching can make for you? Schedule a 30 minute discovery session today.