How are you? It’s a greeting more than a question. But it’s still a question. Both the question and the answer are usually automatic.

Want to create an awkward moment?  Answer How ya doin? with a real answer.

What’s your automatic answer to How are you?

Fine. Good. Great. Doing. Getting by. Surviving. Alright. Meh.

What’s How are you mean to you?


Are you making progress?

Are you done yet?

Do you need my help?

You’re doing it wrong.

Are you OK?

Are you upset?

Is everything alright?

Am I in trouble?

Are you upset with me?

Am I safe?

Are you approachable?

I was listening to a Brooke Castillo podcast recently (The Life Coach School Podcast).  She said that when something is said, there are 4 versions of what is said:

  1. What is said.
  2. What is meant by what is said.
  3. What is heard.
  4. What the listener made it mean.

What do you mean by How are you when you ask it?

What do you make it mean when someone asks you?

What do you mean by your answer to How are you?

What does the other person make your answer mean?

Are you ready for a challenge? Next time you ask someone how they are, do so consciously and say what you mean. “How are you?” might end up sounding like, “Hi, are you still mad at me?” or, simply, “Hello” if you don’t really have time to hear an honest answer.

When I am working with a client, I ask them to bring attention to their style of communication and to the language they use. I then ask them to practice conscious communication. This can be the beginning of creating powerful and meaningful connections with the people in your life.


Could coaching help you on your personal development journey? Schedule a free 30-minute discovery conversation.

Schedule a free 30-minute discovery conversation.


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