Our thoughts can sometimes take us on a roller coaster ride we aren’t prepared for. Let’s evaluate those thoughts and dive into what questions you are asking yourself and what your answers are.
We’ll look more closely into disempowering thoughts and how they can affect your overall mental well-being. I will also give you six steps to personal empowerment.
Nagging fears and anxiety
Do you ever feel a nagging fear that just won’t leave you alone? How about the anxiety that takes you out or the anger that flashes at the most inconvenient moments? Perhaps you’ve experienced the sadness you feel doesn’t seem to be related to anything that makes any sense.
On the flip side, you might find sudden joy when things go your way. We’ve all had that feeling of love or appreciation that lights up our hearts and, of course, that non-authorized face leaking.
These feelings are all signals from your body. They are your body’s way of letting you know how it feels about your answers to your own questions.
Pay attention to your body
Each time you ask a question, whether you verbalize it or not, your subconscious provides an answer. Because the answer comes from your subconscious, you are probably not even aware you are answering your own question.
What you probably notice first is the feeling: your body’s feedback.
If you pay attention to your body, you may notice your body is aware of your answer. Your body will give you feedback in the form of feelings and body sensations. If your body likes your answer, you will get feedback that feels empowering. If your body doesn’t like your answer, you will get feedback that feels disempowering.
As an example, consider the following exchange with a coaching client.
When thoughts take over your story
Client: I’m freaking out about money.
Coach: Tell me about it. Let me hear the thoughts that have you freaking out.
Client: I am doing a refinance to pay off debt because money is so tight. I need the refinance to close as soon as possible but for that to happen, we need to have an appraisal. I’ve got to pay up front for the appraisal and that means I will have to rearrange bills so I can pay it. My husband has a 25-year old vehicle that we’ve got to replace and I’m depending on the refinance to get the money to buy another car. We’re leaving for vacation and I’m afraid we can’t afford it. I’m worried that worrying about money will take me out and I won’t continue to build my business. And there is a lot we need to do to get ready for the appraisal which is supposed to happen in a few days.
Coach: How does it feel to think all those thoughts?
Client: I feel panicked.
Coach: What are you afraid will happen?
Client: What if this doesn’t work?
Coach: How are you answering that question in your thoughts?
Client: I’m not – what question – oh, I’m trying to ignore those thoughts and the panic. I just want them to go away.
Coach: Apparently your body is noticing your thoughts. Notice what is happening in your body when you think the thoughts that answer the question, “What if this doesn’t work.” Where are your emotions on the Emotometer when you think those thoughts?
(The Emotometer is a simple tool I use with clients to have them describe their feelings with -10 being the lowest and +10 being the highest.)
Coach So apparently your body is reacting to your answer to the question, “What if this doesn’t work?”. What is the internal answer to “What if this doesn’t work” that your body is reacting to?
Client: (closing her eyes) If this doesn’t work, we will lose the house and the boat. We will live under a bridge. The business isn’t going to work. This refinance is just another band-aid. I’m stupid. No matter how hard I try, nothing works out. I’m never going to get what I want.
Identifying the truth
Coach: It makes sense that you feel so bad, given that answer. That answer comes from one voice that you are currently listening to. Are there any other opinions in there that are answering this question?
Coach: What does that voice have to say? How does that voice answer the question, “What if this doesn’t work?”
Client: If it doesn’t work, we’ll figure something out. I have projects and goals. I have 3 or 4 potential clients to talk with this week. I added 20 people to my private Facebook group and sent out 20 requests for “explore” calls for my business, I have a budget, I will be able to catch my budget back up when the refinance closes, I’m joining a new networking group and will join the chamber using money from the refinance where I will have more opportunities for potential clients for my business. I have a brand-new client group that started last week where I knocked it out of the park. I’m really good at what I do. If it doesn’t work, we will be just fine.
The mental shift
Coach: How does it feel to think those thoughts.
Coach: That’s quite a swing. With the first voice, you felt -9. From the second voice, you felt +10. Does the 2nd voice seem as true as the first voice?
Coach: So from +10, how would you address each of the concerns you stated at the beginning of this conversation? Let’s go through them, one by one.
Coach: You have to pay for the appraisal up front and you don’t have the money.
Client: I will review and address my budget temporarily.
Coach: Your husband has a 25-year old vehicle that you need to replace and you’re depending on the refinance.
Client: I’m not going to worry about the vehicle until after the refinance is complete.
Coach: You’re leaving for vacation and you’re afraid that you can’t afford it.
Client: I will ask my husband to see if he can get the check early that otherwise won’t show up until after we leave for vacation.
Coach: You’re worried that your worry about money will take you out and you won’t continue to build your business.
Client: I will do my thought work and stay empowered so that I can take the actions needed to build my business.
Coach: There is a lot that you need to do to get ready for the appraisal.
Client: I will schedule my time to work on the house for the appraisal and work on the business.
Becoming aware of your subconscious dialogue
Apparently, her body liked the second answer much better than the first. From this new positive (and believable) answer she was empowered, focused and clear in the same circumstance. For each of the worries she initially stated from her disempowered position, she identified actions she would take from an empowered place, none of which were inauthentic.
Before this conversation, the client was not aware of her internal subconscious dialogue. Once she understood the power of her internal questions and answers, she could begin to act powerfully to create the result she wanted.
The six steps to personal empowerment
OK, now you have the gist of how I help a client work through their anxiety to personal empowerment.
Here aresix steps you can take to shift into that state when you’re experiencing disempowerment.
- Take a few moments to acknowledge the feedback your body is providing,
- Identify the question you are asking. You may need to speak or write all your concerns first. What is your big fear in the form of a question?
- Identify your answer to that question.
- Acknowledge the emotional and energetic impact the answer has on you.
- Find an empowering internal voice.
- Answer the same question from that voice and follow its guidance.
Take these six steps to shift your perspective. Move the dialogue from subconscious to conscious where you can be in choice about where to train your attention.
From disempowering to empowering
Sometimes the dissenting voice is so strong it is not willing to give ground. This is the voice of survival and is designed to keep you safe.
If you can negotiate some space with that voice for another opinion or view, you may notice there is another voice of wisdom. If you can access this wisdom, you will find the power to create the life you want. That life requires a much more expansive energy than the restrictive and constricted energy of fear and survival.
*What’s an Emotometer and how do you use it? Book a free 30-minute consultation with me and I can answer any questions you have about personal empowerment, the Emotometer and Breakthrough Success Club.
It’s the first step to help you get the results you want in your life and business.