Life Hack Articles

In any of my writing, I don’t need to be right. Please don’t believe anything I say or write without first checking with yourself to see if it resonates as true. Even then, it may not be true. When I hear or read something that get’s my attention and seems true, I use my own life to test the new theory. If it works in my life, I’m an evangelist for letting everyone else know about what is working for me. These life hack articles reflect that reality. If what I’ve written here resonates, try it on in your own life. If not, please, let it go. In any case, trust yourself.

“I’m not here to be right, I’m here to get it right.”  Brene Brown
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” Buddha
“Don’t believe a word I write.” Bill Tierney
Active Grief

Active Grief

Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels With loss comes grief. If you have experienced a loss, have you experienced active grief or have you experienced passive grief? When something changes or ends, or when something happens that scares you or hurts you, there can be a...

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Hijacked by a Part of Me

Hijacked by a Part of Me

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ― Maya Angelou   It was very pleasant this morning on our back patio. I was enjoying “You are the one you have been waiting for” by Richard Schwartz. Prior to getting my cup of...

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What makes a good relationship good?

What makes a good relationship good?

Just for fun imagine that, after getting to know your partner well enough to recognize that you were interested in them, they told you they wanted to talk. Let’s create a couple for this imagination. Meet Pat and Taylor. Feel free to assign gender roles as you wish. A...

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Give Them a Day Pass

Give Them a Day Pass

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels There are people in my life who I put in jail. At some point in my life, our paths crossed, and I got hurt. I blamed them for my pain and locked them away for life so they could never hurt me again. Many of the people I locked away...

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A client’s struggle with codependency

A client’s struggle with codependency

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels I am often inspired and educated by my coaching clients whose life experiences model what does and doesn’t work in life. As fellow humans, my clients struggle with many of the same issues I too have struggled with. In my own...

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Not Broken

Not Broken

Photo by Ikowh Babayev from Pexels We're not really broken. I know it can feel that way.  It can feel hopeless. But it's not. You can break the cycle. Doing so may be the most important thing you ever do in your life. I came from a long line of generational addiction,...

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Making Clear Choices

Making Clear Choices

There are times when making decisions or commitments is easy. Making hard decisions often comes down to the “lesser of two evils,” a coin toss, or simply forcing ourselves to do what feels like the right thing to do. How do you make hard decisions or solve dilemmas?...

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Healthy Skepticism

Healthy Skepticism

Image by PicsbyFran from Pixabay  My family had moved again, this time to Great Falls, Montana. When I learned we were moving, I felt both fear and relief. The previous year had been traumatizing and I was happy that we were moving. But Montana? I had never even seen...

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Texting Trigger

Texting Trigger

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels When I woke up Friday morning I checked my phone and noticed a preview of a text which included the words, “you are lying to me.”  I assumed someone must have been drunk texting the wrong number. “This should be fun,” I thought....

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Fixing the Unfixable

Fixing the Unfixable

Photo by Thiago Matos from Pexels Many who grew up in scary and unsafe homes believe they are broken and unfixable. Here’s what I believe. You, me, and everyone else were born as perfect, whole, and complete human beings. But some of us were born into lives that had...

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The ACA Laundry List, Trait One

The ACA Laundry List, Trait One

Photo by Amine M'Siouri from Pexels About 40 years after Alcoholics Anonymous was founded, a new recovery program was created. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA or ACoA) was created to provide support for members of the Alateen program....

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What I Thought I Knew

What I Thought I Knew

I had been a mortgage loan officer for 15 years. I had survived the financial crisis and mortgage meltdown of 2008-2009 and emerged more determined, more focused, more educated, and more careful. At my lowest point, I knew it was either time to find another career or...

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I Only Do What I Want

I Only Do What I Want

When I tell my clients that I only do what I want, I get mixed reactions. “That must be nice,” is probably the most common reaction.  My favorite response is, “B.S.!” In a life of “have to-s” and “shoulds” it seems impossible that I might do only those things that I...

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Press On or Time for a Break?

Press On or Time for a Break?

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels Over the years, I’ve read or heard a sentiment expressed that if the conditions of your life are challenging, learn to love them before making any changes. Or something to that effect. There is some merit to this idea. If I just cut and...

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Louise’s Journey to Personal Empowerment

Louise’s Journey to Personal Empowerment

Photo by Brenadette Grindle Faust from Pexels Louise, a coaching client, was in a state of confusion. She had thoughts and feelings that seemed to be in opposition with each other. As I listened, she explained the circumstances surrounding her confusion. Louise told...

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Breaking the Insecurity Pattern

Breaking the Insecurity Pattern

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels Bob started a book group and Nancy agreed to participate. They met every Monday night with four others to discuss the book. Concerned that his opinions may sour the other members of the book group, Bob usually kept quiet and kept...

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Healthy Communication

Healthy Communication

   Image by John Hain from Pixabay Developing healthy relationships can be challenging. What if you had a technique to follow that would help you create a healthy relationship with anyone who is capable of and interested in having a healthy relationship with you?...

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Your Automatic Life

Your Automatic Life

Photo by Alex Knight from Pexels The conscious brain occupies 17 percent of total brain mass (about one-sixth of the brain’s weight), yet controls only 2 to 4 percent of actual perceptions or behavior. The nonconscious brain occupies 83 percent (about five-sixths) of...

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Approval.  The Consolation Prize

Approval. The Consolation Prize

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels I heard Byron Katie say that if she had a prayer, it would be, “God save me from the pursuit of love, approval and appreciation.” That got my attention.  She went on to say that the effort we put into getting love, approval, or...

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Turning Breakdowns into Breakthroughs

Turning Breakdowns into Breakthroughs

Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels Yup. I’m going to do that. I will have it done by next week. Next week comes around and it’s not done. I just had a breakdown in my commitment. Ok, I’ll double down. I’ll have it done by tomorrow. Tomorrow comes around and its done!...

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Can’t Decide?

Can’t Decide?

Photo by Victoria Borodinova from Pexels   You need to make a decision. Opportunity will pass you by. The deadline is lurking. The pressure is on. But you can't decide! Why not? Instead of teaching you one more strategy to get yourself to do what you can't do,...

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Recovering True Self

Recovering True Self

Photo by James Sutton from Pexels Who do you think you are? When I first heard that question, it didn’t really land as an invitation to consider life’s deeper mysteries.  It felt a lot more like a challenge or a threat. Apparently, I thought I was someone who could...

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Adult Child Shame

Adult Child Shame

Image by John Hain from Pixabay When you look in the mirror, how do you feel toward who is looking back? For me, it seems to vary each time I look. At one time, I couldn’t tolerate looking in the mirror at all, other than to make sure there was nothing on my face or...

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Overcoming Insecurity

Overcoming Insecurity

Image by John Hain from Pixabay  Many otherwise highly functioning men and women experience some level of insecurity in their love relationships. Most of us know at some level that there is no current reason to feel insecure and yet we feel insecure. This can be...

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You’re Not Alone

You’re Not Alone

You were raised in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family You are attracted to dysfunctional partners You are recovering from addiction for at least 3 months You feel like a fraud You are afraid to just be yourself You are insecure in your love relationships You’re...

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The Core Belief Log

The Core Belief Log

The Core Belief Log One of the tools I use with my clients is called the Core Belief Log.  When, during our coaching a belief is uncovered, I ask my clients to record the belief in the Core Belief Log. Noticing our beliefs and logging them is important because......

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Breaking the Pattern

Breaking the Pattern

In any relationship there are times to talk and times not to. If you are mentally present and open, it may be time to talk. If you are distracted or triggered its not. How do you know if you are mentally present? Your mind is on what is happening now.  What is being...

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The Perfect Storm

The Perfect Storm

Uncertainty Institutional Mistrust Misinformation Loneliness Change Insecurity Intimacy Issues Job and Income loss If you're scared, that makes sense. Will you respond to your fear with hatred and blame? Or with love and compassion? Our automatic lives are no longer...

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Is Addiction Recovery Possible?

Is Addiction Recovery Possible?

Most of us know someone who is struggling with addiction issues.  How to recover from an addiction is not an exact science.  There are countless approaches, most with some success.  There is an entire addiction recovery industry that exists to address the issue. Why...

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Climb the Ladder to Personal Empowerment

Climb the Ladder to Personal Empowerment

I created a tool that was inspired by Esther and Jerry Hicks in their book, Ask and it is Given, The Teachings of Abraham. I named the tool Climb the Ladder because by using it, I and my clients are able to use it to quickly climb to an empowered state before taking...

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Are you Coping or are you Curious?

Are you Coping or are you Curious?

What do you endure in your life?  What do you tolerate?   What do you survive? Your daughters drill team performance that goes on for hours. Your son’s attitude toward you. Your job, business or career that pays the bills but drains your lust for life. A relationship...

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The Internal Guidance System

The Internal Guidance System

I’m certainly not the first person to think of feelings as an internal guidance system.  When I was first introduced to the idea, it thrilled me to consider that I could trust myself.  I loved the thought that I had an internal mechanism to guide me and wanted to...

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Working with On-Air Personality, Angela Dodson

Working with On-Air Personality, Angela Dodson

A few months back I got a call from an old friend, Clyde.  In 1978 I was an assistant store manager for Rosauer’s, a local food store chain.  I hired Clyde when he was 16 years old as a courtesy clerk.  We’ve stayed in touch over the years.  Today Clyde works for...

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True Self Leadership

True Self Leadership

What is True Self Leadership? You, like many people, may be in the habit of attempting to manage and control aspects of yourself that you don’t like.  This effort to minimize and control who we are creates an internal tension or pressure.  From time to time, life...

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Survival or Growth Mindset?

Survival or Growth Mindset?

Life’s challenges can provide plenty of opportunity for growth or they can overwhelm us. If you have a growth mindset, challenges provide new opportunities to change and grow.  Challenges can inspire innovation and courageous risk taking.  Challenging circumstances...

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The Source and Meaning of Emotional Pain

The Source and Meaning of Emotional Pain

What causes emotional pain? A belief system is a system of thoughts that we have decided are true.  For the most part, our beliefs are hidden from us.  When we are introduced to a concept or idea, we compare that concept or idea to embedded and accepted thoughts...

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What are Your Parts Telling You?

What are Your Parts Telling You?

After completing a one-year coach training program, my confidence was at an all-time low and I seriously considered quitting my Life Coaching career.  A part of me was convinced that I was a fool to think I could be a successful life coach. In 2011, while working as a...

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Fear, Resistance and Action

Fear, Resistance and Action

No time to read this article?   Listen to it instead. Fear.  What do you do when you are feeling it?   Does it stop you?   Do you work around it?  Does it limit you?  Do you push your way past it? In the coaching world, one of our jobs as coaches is to help our...

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Hope and Expectation

Hope and Expectation

What do you expect your life to look like in a year? What do you hope your life will be like in a year? What we expect is based on what is happening now and what has happened in the past.  For many of us, what is happening now is a version of what has happened in the...

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I’m not trying hard enough

I’m not trying hard enough

What are you trying hard to do?   Today is day 25 of my 30 day thought diet.   I was inspired to make this commitment after waking up at 5 AM in Kauai 25 days ago with anxiety and no present justification for it.  I got out of bed and began listing all of my thoughts,...

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What do you want? Make a list.

What do you want? Make a list.

I’m not proud of this. But I used to complain about my life. A lot. I’ve often wondered why I complained so much. Eventually, I realized that complaining is a leftover from my childhood when I was entirely and naturally dependent.  You can read more about that in...

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Seven Things I have Learned About Anxiety

Seven Things I have Learned About Anxiety

About 25 years ago, I stepped away from the living of my life far enough to make a profound observation.   I saw that my life consisted of a series of reactions to the circumstances in my life. Further, I realized that I was reacting to my interpretations of those...

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What to do When it’s Hard to Decide

What to do When it’s Hard to Decide

As a coach, when a client comes to me with a problem, I am tempted to try to resolve the problem for them.  But this is rarely helpful.  Solving the problem for a client is like feeding a man a fish.  My clients think they want me to solve their problems.  But what...

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Tapping Into Your Internal Team

Tapping Into Your Internal Team

True Self Recovery.   A new Coaching Program for those who feel stuck. Inspired by the Internal Family Systems Therapy model, I have created a new coaching model to help discover and explore your Internal Team.  Your Internal Team is made up of beliefs and attitudes...

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Testimonial from Carly Cloer

Testimonial from Carly Cloer

I was hitting my head against a wall.  I knew I was getting in my own way but I didn’t know how to change it.  I knew I was meant to work on my own and not answer to anyone.  I knew that my life’s calling was not what I was doing.  I was constantly trying to fit a...

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How can I help?

How can I help?

People ask me to help them when they recognize that how they show up in life automatically gets in the way of having the life that they want.  Sometimes they don't even know what they want in life.  They just know they aren't satisfied with the life they have now....

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The Yes and No of Yes

The Yes and No of Yes

When you say yes, what are you saying yes to?  When you say yes, what are you saying no to? You may be asked to give your money, effort, attention or time. Money You may be asked to give your money. Each time you spend money, you are saying yes to what you are...

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Harry’s Breakthrough Success Club Success Story

Harry’s Breakthrough Success Club Success Story

Harry was referred to me by the doctor who employed him.  He joined Breakthrough Success Club when his boss offered to pay for his coaching.  But when his children’s mother decided to move to another state, he quit his job and followed them there to be in their...

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How are you.  Why do you ask?

How are you. Why do you ask?

How are you? It’s a greeting more than a question.  But it’s still a question. Both the question and the answer are usually automatic. Want to create an awkward moment?  Answer How ya doin? with a real answer.   What’s your automatic answer to How are you? Fine....

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5 Rs to Remember When Giving Feedback

5 Rs to Remember When Giving Feedback

When it comes to giving feedback, you probably fall into one of three categories: You have a lot of great advice for others but nobody seems interested in it. The thought of offering feedback is so terrifying that you might just fall to your death before asking...

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The G.I.F.T. of Feedback

The G.I.F.T. of Feedback

Giving feedback can feel vulnerable. It takes courage to offer feedback. Receiving feedback can also feel vulnerable. If, when you are receiving feedback you feel threatened, you may be more concerned with surviving the feedback than with hearing exactly what is being...

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What’s In It For Your Client

What’s In It For Your Client

What is the value of a reliable and loyal referral source? When receiving a warm referral, you have an overwhelming advantage over the competition. Unless a business already has a sufficient demand for their services, it is crucial to develop relationships with others...

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8 Practices to Get More Referrals

8 Practices to Get More Referrals

Think about why you would give a referral to someone. Let’s face it. Giving a referral to a product or service provider puts your reputation on the line. So, unless you have had a great experience with the product, the service or the provider, you’re not likely to...

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The Wack-A-Mole Life

The Wack-A-Mole Life

Life can often feel like the arcade game, Whack-a-Mole. A problem shows up, we whack it and then wait for the next one to show up so we can whack it before the next one shows up so we can… whack it! This is a game that cannot be won. But it’s the game most of us play...

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How to Give and Receive 5-Star Referrals

How to Give and Receive 5-Star Referrals

The decision to refer usually happens in a moment. The decision to not refer happens just as quickly. But there is an internal process that usually goes undetected leading up to that moment. Why do you refer? Think about the last time you gave a referral. Why did you...

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6 Steps to Get Past the Voice in Your Head

6 Steps to Get Past the Voice in Your Head

The appointment was set for 9:00 AM. First impressions are important. This was to be our first connection. I called the number the prospect provided but it was the wrong number. I was prepared for this call. I allowed plenty of time. Had the phone number in front of...

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Is Fear Keeping You From Making a Change?

Is Fear Keeping You From Making a Change?

I spoke with a client last week whose current employer had made it difficult for her to stay.  She had been working under increasing pressure to perform under impossible circumstances. Her well-being and family life had suffered and she was on her way to a major...

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Get Off the Emotional Roller Coaster

Get Off the Emotional Roller Coaster

Click here to listen to this article if you don't have the time to read it. I was inspired to write this article by an experience which lead to gaining a new and different perspective.  Once a week, I facilitate The Work of Byron Katie for 90 minutes.  This is a free...

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Acting The Part

Acting The Part

This morning, I was inspired with an idea and asked my wife, Kathy to help me. I asked her if she could think of a time when I was upset.  She reminded me of trying to get technical help over the phone from someone in India. That reminded me of something that happened...

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How to Get Unstuck

How to Get Unstuck

I felt stuck. I was miserable. Nothing was going right and I didn't have hope that it ever would. My best-laid plans fail to achieve the desired results. If it turns out there is a hell, I think it will look a lot like the life I was living about 20 years ago....

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How to Attract What you Want

How to Attract What you Want

You’ve probably heard of the Law of Attraction before. It’s the idea that you attract into your life what you are focused on. If you are focused on success, you will be successful. Do you want to lose weight? Then focus on having a lighter body. By focusing on being...

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6 Questions to Improve Your Efficiency

6 Questions to Improve Your Efficiency

Most of us have a list a mile long of things we feel like we HAVE to get done. You probably have tasks in different buckets; housework, business work, family work, extracurricular work, volunteer work, and the list goes on. Do you ever feel like your task list is...

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How to Break the Complaint Habit

How to Break the Complaint Habit

We all know those people who we sometimes dread talking to because all they do is complain. Maybe you are one of those people and don't even realize it. Complaining about things - whether it be life, another person, politics - whatever it is, may seem self-serving....

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The Wisdom of The Body

The Wisdom of The Body

Do you have persistent internal thoughts and questions running through your head at any given time? These thoughts could be about a person, a situation, a stress, a fear, a hope, or any number of things. The thoughts we have create feelings such as the nagging fear...

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Get Present to Get Results

Get Present to Get Results

Have you ever taken a moment to think about how much the past and future affect the present when it comes to your thoughts, actions, and how you engage in life? Humans largely use their past experiences as an educational tool to take with them into the future. Perhaps...

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How to Start Getting What You Want

How to Start Getting What You Want

When I am in a coaching session with a client, many influences come in to play. These include The Work of Byron Katie, Internal Family Systems, and Landmark Education, all of which I have written about in other Life Hack Articles. Woven into these influences has been...

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10 Questions To  Get You Into Action

10 Questions To Get You Into Action

You already have the solutions to your problems. If you stop to think about it – when it comes to business, what is that one thing that you know would work to give you more success? Perhaps it’s hiring an employee. Maybe you need a line of credit to invest in...

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3 Steps to Success

3 Steps to Success

I always start the coaching process by asking my clients to describe the future they would like to be living. Creating a future vision is a great first step toward achieving any goal.  In this article, I give you 3 steps to success. Step 1. Get very clear about the...

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Is Landmark Education Right For You?

Is Landmark Education Right For You?

An Introduction to Landmark Education My friends insisted that I join them for a trip to Seattle to experience Landmark Forum. I had heard of Landmark but had no first-hand experience until I traveled with them for the three-day event. I had already been on a path of...

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The Work: How Byron Katie changed my life

The Work: How Byron Katie changed my life

If you had told me 20 years ago The Work of Byron Katie would have changed my life, I wouldn’t have believed you. Nonetheless, it did. Here’s my story. Some personal history Don (not his real name) had been my friend for years. I married his brother’s ex-wife. It was...

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Five Steps to Powerful Thinking and Speaking

Five Steps to Powerful Thinking and Speaking

Photo by 木木 from Pexels Inspired by a coaching session with one of my clients, I created five steps to help you tap into your innate personal power. As a mindset coach, I listen for language which provides clues about what drives a person and what impedes them. For...

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